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It was an encouraging performance from the lad. Once he got over the big match nerves his performance improved. Good experience for him and given that he's now played at CL level, no reason at all why he should not be starting regularly in domestic fixtures, if for no other reason than to rest the first picks.

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Considering the circumstances and the level of opposition I thought the lad played well. He rarely panicked on the ball and his passing was decent enough. Looks like he could be worthy of more first team opportunities this season.

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How good is this guy???, I know I mentioned him in the Broadfoot thread,but I would like to hear what we all think about this guy,for me he started slow without doing too much wrong,but as the game went on I thought the lad grew into the game,for me he does look the real deal and that can only be good for the Rangers

 

Agree with most of the other replies. I thought he did really well after he settled into the game. I want to see more of the lad playing centrally with Davis in SPL and cup games before coming to any conclusions, but he looks good.

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This may be a stupid question but is Bob Malcolm still playing?

 

He was still playing this year. He signed for Dundee then got released with a load of other players when they didn't get promoted. There was a really funny story on the spoof Leigh Griffiths blog about him arriving for his first day of training at Dens Park and Jocky Scott turned up dressed as the Pope in a fake Pope mobile made from a golf cart. :D

 

...............................................................................................................................

 

Monday morning at training. Bob Malcolm has joined us for his first full session. Bob's got a bit of a chequered past, but you have to let bygones be bygones. He's a Dee now, and that's all that counts. He's a good lad, and fits in well with the players. There's a good bit of banter going on as we troop out on to the pitch to get the session started. There's a note in the middle of the pitch instructing us to sit in the Shankley, the stand behind the goal that houses away supporters. We group together in the front rows and await Jocky's arrival. And what an arrival he makes.

 

The roar of the jetpack has been replaced by a dull, standard engine noise. What can only be described as a replica of the Popemobile rolls out on to the track over to our right. Jocky's in the perspex box in the back. He's dressed as the Pope.

 

The Popemobile trundles slowly away from us down the length of the Main Stand. Jocky's waving serenely and doing Hail Marys at the empty stand as he passes. He turns the corner, passes the Bobby Cox end, and heads down the side of the Derry. Bob Malcolm's face is etched with utter disbelief. It's a familiar look around these parts. At this point the engine of the Popemobile makes an unhealthy choking sound and dies. Jocky's lap comes to an end. It takes a moment for him to notice as he's busy blowing kisses and waving a crucifix at the empty Derry. When he does notice he takes out his mobile and makes a phone call. Jocky then picks up a mic. His voice is amplified through some kind of hidden sound system.

 

'JOCKY'S HAEIN' A FEW TECHNICAL PROBLEMS HERE, LADS. CHAT AMONG YOURSELVES FOR A WHILE.'

 

We try to make idle chitchat, but there's no averting your eyes from this. Jocky continues treating the South Enclosure as if it was full of the faithful, be it Catholics, Derry Boys or otherwise. He's crossing himself, bowing, and taking imaginary applause. After a while he starts body-popping, and you just know he's singing a Beastie Boys tune to himself in there.

 

A good 45 minutes pass before the sound of another vehicle entering the ground reaches us. It's the AA. The guy gets out his van and looks up at us.

 

'Alright lads. Bit of a weird one, but I got a call from someone calling himself 'Pope Jocky'?' We point over towards the Derry. Jocky's waving over at him. The guy puts on a brave face, gets in his van, and drives around the track to meet his customer. Jocky conducts business through the Popemobile mic.

 

'Hiya chief. Hiya! What's this a' aboot? Jocky's tryin' tae get aff the drink, he disnae need a breakdoon recovery service.' He howls with laughter at his own rapier wit. 'Did yi catch that, chief?! You're fae the AA! Ken? Eh? The AA! By Christ, that wiz funny as fuck. Jocky used to be in the RAC, but realised there wiz mair potential comedy value joining you boys. Worth every penny o' the joining fee so it wiz! Fuckin' yas! Right, 'mon sort oot Jocky's Popemobile, mongchops.'

 

The AA guy stares in wonder for a moment, then gets to work. He opens up the bonnet and starts checking out the engine.

 

'Jocky disnae ken much aboot cars, like. Been flyin' a jetpack for a good few years now. Drove a dodgem before that. Total fanny magnet, but no' much use for gettin' aboot unless there was some form o' live electrical grid directly above yi.'

 

We can't hear him, but judging by Jocky's reaction the AA guy must have delivered some bad news as he gestures towards the engine.

 

'Aw for fuck sake! What's the score, chief? Eh? Jocky's in the middle of a Papal tour here.'

 

The guy gets the winch out and hooks the Popemobile up to it. He winds it up on to the back of his recovery vehicle. The "Papal tour" continues. Jocky starts waving and blessing non-existant admirers again. As the recovery truck comes round past the Shankley Jocky tells the guy to stop in front of us. He turns to address the squad.

 

'BOA-BY FU-CKIN' MALLLLLLLLLCOLM' booms Jocky in a serious tone. 'HUV YOU GOT A FUCKIN' PROBLEM WI ME, CUNTO? NO' JOCKY, LIKE. THE POPE.'

 

Bob shakes his head slowly. He's lost the power of speech.

 

'HOW WOULD BOA-BY FU-CKIN' MALLLLLLLLCOLM FEEL IF THE POPE WROTE 'FBM' FOR SOME CUNT WHA JUST WANTED YER STANDARD AUTOGRAPH?'

 

Bob half-shakes his head, half-shrugs. He manages to mumble, 'That was a bad mistake, I regret it......'

 

'JOCKY WINNAE STAND FOR ANY O' THIS *** NONSENSE, SON. WHA'S IN CHERGE HERE?'

 

Jocky gets out the Popemobile and clambers over the advertising board into the stand. 'Hiya Boaby. Hiya pal! Dae yi ken Brannan? He's called Boaby tae! Didnae realise yiz were related.'

 

He sits next to Bob. Bob's clearly still trying to adjust to the fact his new manger just came barrelling into training dressed as the Pope, in the Popemobile.

 

'Ken what, Boaby? Jocky's no' a religious man. Jocky's in cherge here, no' God. But ken what, Boaby? Eh dinnae mind cunts that dae believe in aw that shite. Tolerance, ya big cunt! Em a big believer in freedom o' religion, likes. Eddie Malone's a Pagan for fuck sake, but Jocky's no' bathered.' He turns to Eddie. 'Isn't that right Malone, ya Pagan cunt?'. A highly confused Eddie Malone just accepts it and nods in agreement.

 

He wraps an arm around Bob's shoulder. 'The Pope's no' a bad lad, Boaby. Jocky plays darts wi him every Tuesday at the Fairmuir clubbie. Sound cunt. Throws a good fuckin' arrow tae, let me tell you. Saw him last week and said 'Ow, the Pope, Jocky's awa' tae sign that Boaby Malcolm, you cool wi that?' And ken what the Pope said tae me, Boaby Malcolm? Do yi? The Pope says 'Couldn't really give a fuck, Jocky. It's your round, cunto.' Boy wiz right enough, it wiz meh round, like. Teckle!'

 

With that Jocky got up and returned to the Popemobile. As the recovery vehicle drove off he blessed us several times. He disappeared out the way he came.

 

The players waited a few minutes and digested what had just happened. We decided to have a kickabout. As we got a game together that familiar sound of a jetpack filled the stadium, and Jocky, still masquerading as the leader of the Catholic Church, roared overhead off into the distance.

 

Bob Malcolm followed him with a slightly dazed gaze until he was a speck on the horizon. I grinned.

 

'Welcome to Dens, Bob. It's pure teckle here...........'

 

:D

Edited by Zappa
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