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Mick is rowing his boat in a field of hay. Paddy drives past, sees what's going on in the field and stops.

 

He shouts at Mick in the boat 'Its thick twats like you that give us Irish a bad name! I'd come over there & kick the fuck out of you if I could swim!'

Edited by Zappa
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A man goes to bed and reaches over to his wife. He starts sliding his hand slowly across her back, shoulders then down her side just glancing her breast then carries on down her side and legs. He slides her legs apart and slowly runs his hand up and down her inner thigh. He moves back towards the top and stops.

His wife opens her eyes and gasps..., "Why did you stop?" He says.. "Found the remote - Back to sleep fatty"

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Guest Dutchy

Tam Cowan told this on the radio today.

 

2 oranges walk into a bar, the first one turns to the other one and say, "Your round!"

 

ON THE RADIO, I KID YOU NOT!

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  • 2 weeks later...

The Pope arrives in heaven, where St. Peter awaites him. St. Peter asks who he is.

 

The Pope: "I am the pope."

 

St. Peter: "Who? There's no such name in my book."

 

The Pope: "I'm the representative of God on Earth."

 

St.Peter: "Does God have a representative? He didn't tell me ..."

 

The Pope: "But I am the leader of the Catholic Church ..."

 

St. Peter: "The Catholic church ... Never heard of it ... Wait, I'll check with the boss."

 

St. Peter walks away through Heaven's Gate to talk with God.

 

St. Peter: "There's a dude standing outside who claims he's your representative on earth."

 

God: "I don't have a representative on earth, not that I know of ... Wait, I'll ask Jesus." (yells for Jesus)

 

Jesus: "Yes father, what's up?"

 

God and St. Peter explain the situation.

 

Jesus: "Wait, I'll go outside and have a little chat with that fellow."

 

Ten minutes pass and Jesus reenters the room laughing out loud. After a few minutes St. Peter asks Jesus why he's laughing.

 

Jesus: "Remember that fishing club I've started 2000 years ago? It still exists!"

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