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Interesting Old Article By Jim Spence


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Spence is the shining example of all that's wrong with positive discrimination. BBC Scotland must broadcast a certain amount of airtime from 'the provinces' and Spence manages to give them Dundee's allotted hours. I mean you only need to hear him to know he's filling a quota, there can be no other reason to give him airtime. Spence likes to play the provincial card as often as he can too, like it's some kind of badge of honour that he's from Dundee and so 'untainted' by Glasgow and the associated evil that brings.

 

Of course you only need to hear him for a short time to realise how brutally untalented he is. He sounds like he's in his mid to late 70s, not in itself a problem unless you happen to be considerably younger than that, like he is. He compounds sounding like a moron with the words he then utters. He's the most cliche ridden broadcaster you'll ever hear. His hysterical reaction to our current predicament is predicated on him seeing life from outside the Glasgow goldfish bowl (yes he actually uses that phrase, often), this insight seems to involve reading Dundee Utd fanzines and message boards. It's enlightening stuff. Oh, and he's also a Roman Catholic, I've no idea why, but he feels the need to tell listeners that too from time to time.

If you require any evidence to underline his banality Google his attempted interview with Dusan Pernis of Dundee Utd, it's really something.

 

His written blogs on the BBC website are actually worse, hard as that is to grasp. He's barely literate, the sub editors in Dundee really must have their work cut out when he files late. The first time I read one I assumed he was some kind of work experience or prize winner from school, seriously it's that level of English.

 

So you if you are wondering why the BBC put him on the radio and their blog, well they couldn't put him on TV, have you seen him? Some of you might remember Beaker from the Muppets, well Spence was the design model. Add to that unfortunate permanently startled look with his unruly strawberry blonde a dress sense that you'll rarely see outside of a taxi rank in a post Soviet Asian republic. Man at Uzbekistan meets Jim Henson's imagination, not a look many of us will be striving for this summer.

 

But as has been said earlier, we pay this man, probably quite a lot, so who is laughing most.

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BBC Scotland is some banana, the candy coloured stiped kiosk is a busy place. Stephen Thompson has his arm up Spency's arse, Stewart Milne extends his hand up Big Dick, Gilmour's puppet is Chico, Steve Brown controls Cosgrove, John Boyle fists Cowan(although he would prefer it the other way round), ............................................ and Peter Lawwell's tactile dexterity is awesome, fingers in the pie's of Chris McLaughlin, John Barnes, Diarmid O'Hara, Tom English, ....................... etc.

 

Here's the thing, the big, big unquantifiable threat to every character in the kiosk is Rangers. Who is the Rangers mouthpiece, where is the red, white, anbd blue puppet? Surely, the 'establishment club' has a place on stage?

 

The one thing that unites all those crowding into that tight kiosk canvas is a determination to deny Rangers access to the debate. Wee Jim fae Forfar is only complying with directions, keep pointing the finger and screaming.

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The thing is that the likes of Spence and Chico are so laughable as reporters that when they first come to the screen you kind of root for them as you actually feel sorry for them. They seem harmless and a bit of a figure of fun to be parodied. Then they get "established" and up their own arse and start spouting worthless, arrogant shit as if they are some sage, wise men who are at the top of the knowledge tree when it comes to what is right for Scottish football.

 

They start off as a light and funny joke but then become the dark, scoffing joke.

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Someone called Alison Robbie tweeted this, re.The Spence Spat:

 

Alison Robbie ‏@AlisonRobbie

I will never understand why people think it's ok abuse people on here. Not me this time, just read tweets to a fellow journo.

 

Could someone who uses twitter do me the enormous favour of posting this reply?

 

"Alison Robbie is right! If Leveson shows us anything, it's that journos' would never resort to this sort of thing!!!"

 

Mucho gracias.

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