Dear Turnbull Hutton

[andy steel 0]

I admit it, you got to me the other day.

 

When my team reached the giddy heights of the Ramsden Cup semi-finals, I expected the usual doom laden chorus of nay-sayers to come floating out of the crypt, issuing dire warnings. probing the entrails of goats and generally bringing everyone down, lest anyone of a Blue persuasion experience anything akin to happiness.

 

And sure enough, there was Hugh Keevins, sternly informing me that to actually be happy at winning a minor pot would be very, very wrong, and possibly raise the wraiths of Struth and Waddell to bring down the walls of Thebes (or Ibrox).

 

He was easy to ignore. He is, after all, no prophet. A Tit, yes. A Tiresias, less so.

 

You, though, were harder to dismiss. An ever popular figure amongst fans and media, your brash denunciation of the Cup Final being held at Ibrox bit to the core. You mentioned integrity and you balanced it against the mere accumulation of money. You spoke with feeling about how much more it would mean to Raith Rovers to win a pot themselves, rather than merely enrich themselves by a few hundred thousand pounds. A tear was not far away, I confess.

 

And then, as I sat there reflectively stroking a pensive eyebrow, I realised that Rangers had no chance in this fight. For when you, Turnbull Hutton, say something, there is neither man nor beast can stand in your way until thy will be done! Who can forget your tireless efforts to bring about the vote of no confidence in Stewart Regan and Neil Doncaster, first announced by your good self, with the usual gravitas, back in about April of this year?

 

Doubtless the delay in that vote actuaaly happening is merely administrative. Those slow moving apparatchiks at the SPFL will feel your well fed wrath descend upon them shortly, of that I have no doubt! For when Turnbull Hutton speaketh, the earth trembleth!!! I for one have firmly believe that we shall see you at Hampden soon, bringing down the statue of Belial and emerging from the dust like Charlton Heston in a Cecil B DeMille movie...only, you will be the better actor.

 

It is the same with your unquenchable Corinthian spirit. Only a churl amongst us would point out that the man who spent over a year helping to re-arrange the deckchairs on the SPFL steamship Titantic - with the specific aim of bringing more money into division one clubs, of which Raith Rovers just happened to be one - didn't seem to be overflowing with the sporting ethos of the game when he shafted every part time club in the country to gain a few more pounds.

 

It is not for mere mortals such as we to wonder why you have gone from money grabbing backstabber to embodiment of the Olympian Spirit in the space of a few months. I have already slapped down a few coarse, crude types who tried to suggest you were an enormous bag of wind, which the media let open every so often and print the resultant ephemeral, noxious but essentially meaningless gas.

 

Their low minds don't appreciate you the way I do, Lord Turnon of Bullhut. They cannot see how you represent all the aspects of Scottish football in the way I do. They say: he's a bumbling hypocritical oaf, who loves the sound of his own voice but can only just make it out because his head is so far up his own arse. I say: Smite them, when thy has the time.

 

I believe in you, oh Lord Bull! I believe!! Were any sign needed of your great omnipotence, it is the way you gave your people Your Word on the Cup Final location BEFORE THE DRAW WAS MADE!!! Once more, some gutter dwelling people have suggested that the way you anticipated avoiding Rangers in the semi final and getting a fairly easy ride for The Rovers into the final looks like the draw was fixed. If only they could understand that Your Vision is limitless, they would easier come to heel.

 

All kneel before Turnbull Hutton, avatar of morality, principle and integrity!!!

Edited September 21, 2013 by andy steel

[Blue Moon 1,105]

Wonderful put down, Andy

[aweebluesoandso 290]

Judas Hutton is a two faced balloon full of wind and piss.

[chilledbear 16]

Thanks for that Andy, put a smile on my face this morning, for which the wife is grateful.

[Zappa 0]

Andy, this article of yours just appeared on the main site under the name Dan Teelsy. No idea how it got there though mate!

 

 

http://www.gersnet.co.uk/index.php/latest-news/170-dear-turnbull-hutton

[andy steel 0]

Ah, but Lord Turnon moves in mysterious ways, you see. His Hand reaches everywhere, from the internet even into Chilled Bear's marriage.

 

Cross Him at your peril!!!

 

Love the jpeg or gif or whatever the hell you call it btw!!