26th of foot

Gary should turn to his manager, Paul for the necessary experience. Hartley got into a bit of a jam at Ibrox four years past, leading his then club, Alloa to it's second straight promotion. Mired in the bottom tier of Scottish football, Rangers coped and thumped Paul's team, SEVEN-NIL. Go on Gary, ask Paul?

I saw Colin Stein play in goal in a Glasgow Cup semi-final against Queens Park circa 69/70, we won 3-zip at Ibrox. I think Stein took the gloves for the majority of the second half?

I note a report in the Herald that Ryan Hardy has been sent to Raith Rovers on loan, today.

You are remiss on their favoured song. It begins, 'Hail hail', surely a fascist greeting? More importantly, they sing loudest in the same ditty, 'we don't care what the animals say'? Who are the animals? See being atop of the moral high ground on demonisation and marginalisation!

The current Scottish Government Minister for Justice, Michael Mathieson believes the 'Hokey Cokey' is sectarian. He subscribed fully to Peter Kearney's proclamation on the song. Michael is a season ticket holder(and share holder) at ra Stydome, sits in the heated green leather North Stand seats in the immediate vicinity of the Lord Advocate, Frank Mulholland. Now, if they can convince the new Chief Constable of Police Scotland, Philip Gormley to sit in between, all Scottish Governmental meetings could take place every fortnight amid the heart of the ESTABLISHMENT club.

Oh I don't know, remember Argentina'78? How could we forget? There was a plan to purchase a U Boat and make the journey to Buenos Aries, over 500 signed up for it. I suggest we resurrect the idea, most of the clubs in the Atlantic League are on the coast, or in close proximity. I know der Berliner has German naval experience and knows where we can pick up a second hand submarine with one careful owner. All together now, we are the loyal, the U Boat loyal, sailing submerged to foreign soil. It's all an enigma.

Spiers words on Saturday evening's Off the Ball were, "what I wrote is true". It was quite delicious hearing Cosgrove read out the disclaimer on behalf of BBC Scotland. It would appear that Graham's personal yellow brick road is a never-ending spiral of despair amid the Munchkin country of his mind. Keep hugging Toto.

Twenty-three candidates, and only one female. I find that hugely disappointing.

Saturday sees the Bears visit Recreation Park and play for ninety-odd minutes on a ten year old artificial surface. Both players and ball splash through granulated rubber shards that cover the pitch. The bounce of the ball and players changing direction appear to be the most common complaint. It should be noted that the surface is the same for both teams. Tuesday evening demands a visit to Kilmarnock and a surface that is several months old. The latest in articficial fibre, apparently it's a softer, more forgiving surface; but ball and player movement remains effected. A week on Sunday finds us make our sixth visit to Palmerston in three short years. I believe the surface is just over three years old and ranks between Alloa and Killie in the artificial evolution. I thought McCoist over-egged a rancid pudding reference the drastic plastic. No doubt encouraged by Templeton and a few others picking up injuries at Annan and Stirling. However, I listened to Stuart Lovell of the players union last evening making another case against, from a different angle. He advocated the players' view, in that there are 42 senior clubs in Scotland and twelve have artificial surfaces. He wondered aloud if any of those dozen club Chairs, or indeed, club Boards had asked their respective playing staffs as to whether they wanted to ply their trade on plastic? Quite correctly, he stated, 'it's a change in conditions of service'. My concern generally, and particularly for Rangers in the coming week; is recovery time. All agree, recovery periods after playing on plastic, are longer. The perceived wisdom among our support in the last month, is that three-four of our more established players are playing with an injury or two. If plastic exacerbates strains and recovery is longer, can we risk those players in all three games? I suggest both King and O'Halloran start at Alloa as they are cup-tied for Killie. Rugby Park will be along normal lines(any news on Tiernan), and Queens might be a case of patch repairs. The aim remains to win all three matches. Interesting challenge for the man replete in a magic hat?

Not a question you'll ever hear Chris McLaughlin asking.

This is a time for action, crivens what becomes of society if PC Murdoch's SWAT Team are not awarded the appropriate powers to deal with infiltrators? I have penned a stiff letter to the Editor of the Peoples Friend demanding a strong Editorial. I have also requested more emphasis on knitting patterns and asked if they will publish a photie of Jimmy Shand's cock. Holyrood should provide a motion to protect the stoolmen.

If it wasn't for those pesky fifth columnist Bears infiltrating the home ends and spreading sedition ......................................... It's a well known fact that half-a-dozen Bears dressed as nuns kayaked from Ibrox to Baron's Haugh, slipped ashore, and began discourse. The same group turned their kayaks in the opposite direction in late August and beached in Port Glasgow. In claret'n'amber garb, they ignited flares and invaded the Cappielow pitch. The Peoples Friend is alive to waterways infiltration. Next week's copy sports a pastel shaded print of lusty Lanarkshire lads sparking their bits at Motherwell mercat cross. Who penned that report? D C Thomson's Hon Man is guy busy these days.

These last five years, opposition fans at Ibrox are bursting with angst to sing, 'you let your club die' and, 'you're not Rangers anymore'; it's a form of mass masturbation. Then, the more relaxed relent to type, Killie fans prefer to wade up to their knees in Ayr United blood; knowing no one in the press box will be offended. However, surely proclaiming, 'there's only one Mike Ashley' goes beyond the pale? It must be hard to continue knee deep, wading in moral superiority?

Remember our first game of the season? It was a sunny summer Sunday at Easter Road, sound and vision coverage was exclusive to BBC Scotland through the auspices of Radio Scotland and BBC Alba. BBC Scotland's Chief Sports Writer, Chris McLaughlin was all over the coverage like the proverbial rash. A bright breezy pre-match interview with Alan Stubbs, was continued when Hibs youngster, Stanton stroked the opener. The smug tones of Chris told the listenership it was no more than Hibs deserved and Mark Warburton had a considerable job ahead. His half time report was one of bewilderment, "a real smash and grab by Rangers" and finished by opining that Stubbs would be scratching his head as to why his side were not already striding into the next round of the Petrofac Cup. The full time report was laced with sinister barbs, "Rangers could be in trouble with the SPFL due to the behaviour of some of the club's fans. Three arrests were made after sectarian singing erupted among a section of the away support. The match delegate's report will highlight this, as well as the use of a flare. Rangers won the match six-two". Both club and support thought Chris had over-egged a rancid pudding, perhaps allowing a feeling of bitterness to over shadow any objectivity? However, both Chris and BBC Scotland were quick to assure the listeners that Chris always checked with both the Match Commander and and the Official SPFL Observer, before concluding a match report. Of course, it unraveled, the Match Commander had not been contacted and the SPFL stated that the Official Observer should NOT speak to anyone, even after their report is submitted. Questions to be asked and Chris ignored them, even after his final interview of the afternoon with the Hibs gaffer delivered, "in many ways that game could have gone either way". Sagely nodding at this scouse outrage, Chris concluded by reminding us that the SPFL delegate was on our case. Last evening, Chris was in the Chic Young role, the roving reporter at the mouth of the tunnel and between the managerial teams' dug outs. He provided the pre-match interviews, reported the substitutions, and offered opinion. Scott Allan came on to a loud and repeating chorus of, 'we know your a h-u-n' by the fun loving Dandies, and Chris said ................. ? New Sellik signing, Colin Kazin Richards deliberately stamped upon a prone Storie, and Chris said .......... ? Rooney was hauled down in the box by Boyata and Chris said ...... ? He carried out both post match managerial interviews with dearest Ronnie and Deek, and concluded there would be considerable speculation on the Sellik manager's immediate future. Again remember, Chris always speaks to the Match Commander and the official SPFL Delegate. I admit I have not attended Pittodrie in the last decade, it has the worst sight lines of any ground in the Premiership and it's a toilet. I assume the Match Commander's module remains a few rows above the corner tunnel and the dug outs continue to face onto the section allocated to the away support? Thus, those two points of contact for Chris are bookends to his linear parameters of patrol. As someone who remained with BBC Radio Scotland's coverage to the end of their match broadcast, why did I have to peruse the Press and Journal on line pages to discover, 'six Celtic fans arrested for incidents inside Pittodrie'? I mean, 'a mixture of sectarian singing, drinking, and assault' would alert McLaughlin's keen sensitivities, wouldn't they? Is Chris absent minded, or should we be concerned he is displaying early signs of vascular dementia? How do we ensure the blood continues to circulate inside that large cranium? We should be told.

Now that Big Mick's tanks have retreated from the Ibrox lawn, time to re-turf. Remove every trace. £400,000 on a vanity action? A truly odious character.

I suspect Zelalem will come to be viewed as another Gattuso. In five years time, he will be the lynch pin in Arsenal's/club of equal standing's midfield, and we will be admiring him on Champions League evenings. We can say we played a part in his development and be wistful as to what might have been? We had a lot of possession in last night's first half and Gideon looked good, aesthetically pleasing. The second half, Raith stepped up 15/20 yards and competed; and the game passed by Zelalem. Blood and snorters will never be Gideon's game. Other, better resourced clubs will find a way of protecting him and allow him to effectively operate in a bubble. Extrapolating five years, it will be interesting to hear Gideon's thoughts on Starks Park, Recreation Park, and Cappielow. Reno insists he grew up in Scotland, formed the player who went on to Italian league and international glory. At this moment for us, I think his priority is to work on his weight of pass.

The above cannot be true. Stuart Cosgrove has spoken, O'Halloran will not join Rangers. He will leave Saints in the summer for an English Championship side for circa £750,000. Of course, Stuart has two Rangers supporting pals, season ticket holders for quarter of a century. However, both ceased to attend Ibrox five years past, because they don't believe Rangers are the same club. Just like Graham, Stuart will be naming them?

Okay Robbie, I'll bite. When John McGuire, owner of Phoenix Honda decided to remove several pages of full page, full colour advertising(three days of each week) in protest at the Daily Record printing the headline, 'Thugs and Thieves', what did you write? Remember, Sellik players chased, and ran down a reporter and photographer during their Christmas night out in Newcastle? They stripped the snapper of his most expensive equipment and lobbed it into the river. Hence, 'Thugs and Thieves'. McGuire exercised his right and went further, he transferred the entire advertising budget to Radio Snyde on a five year deal. McGuire was delighted that the then Chief Execuitive of the station was former Sellik PRO(when did he ever cease) and stated, "delighted to invest in a Celtic friendly environment". I would wager that as a man of principle, you penned a hard hitting article in support of your fellow NUJ members, didn't you?

Oh Graham, you protest too much. Often, you remind what's left of your readership/listenership that you completed a degree in Divinity/Theology at St Andrews. There may have been a calling; but a constant failure to tell the truth(remember Klinsmanns a Klansman) and a desire to perform the act of fingering your organ live on TV(twice), ensures ridicule is your fate. Return to tertiary education, look for a red brick edifice providing a course on 'Indignation'. Demand Monday morning lectures on, 'I was nearly quite important'.

There appears to be a bit of momentum building on off field matters. Obtaining a few favourable verdicts in court and a Spiers apology. Earlier this week, I noted Phil McFournames had to delete his blog page, due to Spurs objections. Apparently, Phil claimed a mate had attended an official Spurs Q and A including Oduwa. He claimed said mate was appalled at Oduwa's revelations of his time in Glasgow. He had to move hotel three times, often had to pay cash for food at hotels because hotels were not confident they would receive payment on account, the training facilities were run down, .................. etc. The thing is the supposed Spurs Q and A did not take place, let alone Oduwa spouting off. It's what we are up against day and daily. Michael Stewart utilises his column to offer Warburton will be reconsidering his position because of the club's failure to secure O'Halloran's transfer. Kris Boyd piles in, the usual suspects reinforce the trend, and suddenly another fire has to be dealt with.

Yesterday's perceived wisdom on BBC Radio Scotland reference O'Halloran, by the usual suspects. Cosgrove believes Rangers have unsettled the player and St Johnstone should table a bid of £50,000 for Waghorn. Remember, Jum Spence proclaimed both Rangers bids, "a joke". Further, Cosgrove is of the opinion that O'Halloran will continue his career down south. During the Dundee United/Killie game, Allan Preston on hearing Saints equaliser at ra Stydome and O'Halloran's involvement, was more strident, "right, Saints must tell Rangers, you have until noon Monday to make your last bid. Saints and Tommy have an extremely important game next week against Hibs and they need to prepare without constant unsettling interference from Rangers". Quite a statement from Tannadice on events elsewhere. Fingers have been pointed, Rangers are het again. The thing is, the leaks on both bids, timings and levels have emanated from St Johnstone. Both broadcast and print media are complaining loudly that Warburton continues to utilise the word 'respect' and will NOT talk about any player until he has signed for Rangers. Thus, Saints have unsettled their own player. Facts and degrees of comfort being exhibited by the usual suspects?

As we know, Ashley has a couple of cases pending against the SFA. The perceived legal wisdom is he will lose both cases. I wonder how close big Mike is from being the recipient of a contempt order for vexatious litigation?

PhilCo told us that Big Mick's tanks were parked on the Ibrox lawn. I do hope those 80 ton behemoths are equipped with reverse gears? Still, the usual suspects can assist by resorting to crowd funding to provide Big Mick with the means to get a dozen low loaders down to Edmiston Drive.

I had a two hour drive beginning before noon on Saturday, rescuing a family member from Carlisle. I passed the Lamington viaduct twice and could see for myself; just as well, as the Scottish Transport Minister, Derek McKay appears to have an aversion to imparting full information reference bridges. Anyways, Cosgrove and Cowan were on and announced Jum Spence was their guest, seeking greater employment. Amazing, in his last six months at Pacific Quay, Jum refused to cross the Tay bridge, Apparently, Jum was in a state of high alarm and confined his reports to the Dens/Tannadice/Station park triangle. The first ten minutes confirmed Jum's vicTIMhood, Cosgrove informed the listenership that both the Sons of Struth and Rangersmedia lined up either side of Jum, to fire at him. We were not informed as to what was being fired. Finding himself swimming in soothing, comfortable waters, Jum warmed his intent and offered, "Stuart, you know me? I am leftist in my politics, a nationalist with broad shoulders, a libertarian. Offensive chanting doesn't bother me, water off a ducks back". Now, I am lifting from BBC Scotland's own amplification of an incident in Jum's own village. Jum was out of an evening with his wife when a teenage Rangers supporter(evidence) began shouting at Jum from across the road. Jum was interviewed by a news colleague and told of his state of heightened alarm. He reported the incident to the Police. I don't know if the investigation has arrived at a conclusion? Maybe the next time Stuart is lunching with the Lord Advocate, he can enquire on the listenerships' behalf, in between mouthfuls of succulent lamb of course. Again, given Jum's statement reference libertarianism and broad shoulders, he appears to have pushed the national socialist button in tolerance of a teenage Bear standing across the road. Finally, Jum was continually anxious to flash his job seeking credentials and his answer to the question theme of the show, 'what wouldn't you do'? Petty and ill-informed is Off the Ball's strapline, it should be changed to scripted and rehearsed, "I couldn't continue to support United if they went into administration. I take the Fergus McCann line on humiliation, it would be too much, I would be off to watch Lochee Harp". This, a few months after Cosgrove told us he has two long term mates who are Rangers supporters, and were season ticket holders for in excess of twenty years. However, they have not seen Rangers these last five years because they recognise that they are NOT the same club. Tune in next Saturday for further Pacific Quay fantasies.

It was a compiled report, thus it was okayed for broadcast by the News Editor. Find out who is the News Editor that allowed a subjective report to go out, and bring the necessary pressure to bear.