26th of foot

All ice cream vans' tunes should be standardised, it's the type of thing we pay our MSPs to do on our behalf. Michael McMahon MSP : I propose Greensleeves. Frank McAveety MSP : I second Greensleeves. Paul Martin MSP : I disagree, everybody knows, well ma Da told me and he's the Speaker at Westminster, that arch enemy of the catholic church, Henry xiii wrote that melody. Greensleeves in Latin is an anothingmy for F-T-P and get it right intae they f-e-n-i-a-n bastards. Even although most ice cream drivers are Tallies, they're awe in that P2 ludge, ma Da's seen them hinging fae Westminster bridge. Michael McMahon MSP : I propose the Fields of Athenrye. Frank McAveety MSP : I'll hae a double nougat wae that. Paul Martin MSP : Ma Da likes an oyster and raspberry when he's rebelling against the famine and ra crown.

We won the title at Tannadice in 75/76 season. Big DJ ran in the only goal of the game in 20 odd seconds.

Frankie, I have to disagree with you on the nature of the Spiers/Murray relationship. I watched last March as Spiers and Murray strolled the avenues of Lisbon together, matching cream chinos, and deck shoes. Graham sported a salmon pink pinstripe shirt, Ewen was replete in a maroon pinstripe. Sleeves rolled up, and top two buttons undone in the dappled spring sunshine. An hour later, the thunder storm hit and the two of them were skipping, skidding, and giggling together under the deluge and the pines. Graham was windswept and trying extremely hard to be interesting. Ewen had a look of knowing inevitibility. Ewen Murray is the Bhoy in Corduroy's catamite.

I do not believe that presentation is Green Brigade's new banner, the spelling is correct, including their own perception of 'Celtc'.

I have a favourite recollection of Paul McGrillen. It's over a decade past at Bathgate Juniors park, it's a mid afternoon reserve fixture and John Brown has just taken over as reserve coach and has included himself in the team. Falkirk have included arch Rangers hater, Paul McGrillen up front, he has been out for several weeks injured and this is his first step back to fitness. The first minute and Falkirk have a free kick on the half way line, they roll it into McGrillen's feet, Bomber comes straight through, takes ball and both McGrillen's legs. A stick on yellow card for the Rangers centre half; however, McGrillen jumps up and throws a punch at Bomber. A smiling John evades the haymaker and waves goodbye to Paul. The ref flashes a red, and we all applaud McGrillen off the pitch for having the audacity to attempt a punch on Bomber. Five minutes before half time, McGrillen left Bathgate Juniors park in a taxi, to a chorus of, "McGrillen's a shite bag".

The first real sign that an individual/consortium is/are serious, is when he/she/they put up the several hundred thousand big ones to conduct due diligence.

Carlos Cueller's real love was his pet ten foot python. Would it be considered cruelty to said snake, if we vacuum packed Plastic McGeady and sent him down to Birmingham? Ah mean, snakes have got to eat, right?

Last evening on Snyde, Nuremberg Hugh brought on, 'Paul McGrillen'. Another in the exact same mold as Charnley, Coyle, Grady, ........ etc. I suspect Coyle's tapping-up to continue whilst he is on his family holiday.

I suggest someone calls Snyde tonight and mentions the precedent of Burns and Stark, the two nights of Owney has had talks with Peter Lawwell, the official statements on the Burnley website contradicting those 'talks', and ask, 'has Coyle been tapped-up by Sellik'? Meltdown ................................ Fulmination ........................................ are you accusing Radio Snyde of mendacity? or, Paul Cooney's old favourite ................................ eh, that topic is subject to sub judice, we cannot talk about it ie it's hugely embarrassing to our beloved Sellik and you can fcuk righ off. Please, someone go for it.

Between 2002 and 2006, Coyle was a regular participant on Radio Snyde's SuperscoreboardXtra. Keevins would regularly invite him along with Joe(the Dip)Miller, Chic Charnley, James Grady, .....etc. I am sure you see the pattern? Coyle joined in the usual Rangers hating and bating, Snyde will have it in their archives, double secured and sent to Room 101, no doubt. Coyle hail hails from Clydebank, same as Nuremberg, and wee Hugh has gone into bat on his behalf before. When both Coyle and Yogi Hughes were appointed joint managers of Falkirk, Hugh adopted the mantra, 'Owen Coyle is the brain of the duo'. Coyle made the most of his SuperscoreboardXtra appearances by continually stating, "anyone who knows both John and Myself, will know who is in charge". Hughes said nothing, he got on with the job and that showed within 18 months when Coyle was released(Hugh said Owney wantyed to continue to play). Hughes remained as sole Falkirk manager, he leads said team on to the Hampden pitch this Saturday in the Scottish Cup final. Can you imagine the feeling inside Radio Snyde, one of their own wee group of green'n'grey ultras succeeeding to the managers office at ra Stydome?

Remember when Walter Smith returned to Rangers? Allegations of tapping-up were widespread in both print and broadcast media. Demands that Rangers be brought to book were long and hard. Except, there was no evidence to support these claims. It did not stop the usual suspects spewing their usual bile. The same usual suspects are telling us this evening that Owen Coyle will be the new Sellik boss by the end of the week. Lot's of reports of talks taking place between Peter Lawwell and Coyle. The on-message BBC Scotland Ceefax service told us that Lawwell met Coyle yesterday afternoon. Currently, that has changed to a direct quote from Coyle, "it is people putting two and two together and making five. I am going on holiday this weekend and I can assure you, I will be doing so as Burnley manager". Over on STV's Teletext, a statement from Burnley's website reads, "Burnley have not received any official approach from Celtic for Owen Coyle's services". Radio Snyde have spent two evenings talking about Coyle's impending arrival. Nuremberg is a long term family friend and he is salivating at the thought of Coyles enthronement. Further, Keevins continually reminds the listenership(and beyond) the Owen leaves on a family holiday this coming weekend. Andy Walker told us he received a couple of text messages from 'Owney' yesterday. Has wee Owen been tapped-up by the highly principled Sellik? There is no doubt he has been, and BBC Scotland's Ceefax backtracking on reporting his meeting with Lawwell is a clear attempt to ensure their beloved Sellik avoid the accusation. I expect Radio Snyde to fall into on-message line tomorrow. You see, the real work will be done while Coyle is on the family holiday. There is a precedent. Tommy Burns was manager of Killie for five years, had steered them from Division 2 to the Premier, and they had just survived in the top league. Elmer Fudd(aka Fergus McCann) had just fired Luigi Macari and was on the look out for a new manager. He asked Gerry McNee and Keevins for recommendations, they both pointed in the direction of Burns. Tommy was on a family holiday in the Canary Isles. No problemo for the Bunnet, he contacted both Burns and Billy Stark and convinced both to interupt their respective holidays, fly into Glasgow Airport, meet in the Caffeteria, and agree to be ra Sellik's numbers one and two. Both flew back to their holiday destinations a couple of hours later. Killie contacted the SFA, Sellik had NOT sought permission to talk to their employees. In effect, both Burns and Stark had been tapped-up. A few months later, the appropriate SFA Committee found ra Sellik guilty as charged and fined them �£100,000 in the case of Burns, �£50,000 in the case of Stark. I suspect wee owney will be subject to a similar scenario. See ra Sellik and principles, see oil and water.

I have said it before, and it's worth saying again; Hartson's finest sellik moment was the Sunday afternoon his former wife drove the family Range Rover to the Happy Eater front doors of ra Stydome, and unloaded several bin liners containing Hartson's possessions. The News of the Screws revealed that morning that the fat Welshman had been conducting an affair with a denominational schoolteacher from Newmains. He had put her up in one of the luxury flats at the Glasgow Harbour development. After dumping the bin liners into the hands of the Stade de Gadd security, Hartson's former wife was back with his golf clubs. Kerrydale Street to Newton Mortgage and return in under an hour was a hugely deflating experience for Hartson, it took him that long to turn with the ball at his feet.

Apparently, Spiers is bringing out another Rangers book, '50 Greatest Gers'. Do not buy it, do not burn it; however, please do burn the Author.

Back in the day, when newspapers were prepared to send ra Bhoy in Corduroy to Augusta, Georgia, for the US Masters; Rangers and Rangers supporters were far from his diseased mind. He would wax lyrical about big black Caddys in orange overlongs and roague-iron shoes, sweating gently because they were toting full bags. You knew he was lost in his fantasy of being lost in the Georgia woods, bending over to admire a Venus Flytrap, only to be accosted and invited by those same Caddys, to do some praying. Other than hating Rangers, nothing gets the Botanical Truth Fairy excited, like the thought of full throated, forced facial humiliation.

Wooden Walker's two year tenure as Scotsport host was a broadcasting nadir. Along with his fellow 'objective' constant guest, John Colquhoun, Scotsport was allowed to trawl the depths. Each and every favourable decision awarded to ra Sellik was robustly defended, whereas Rangers good fortunes in this regard was treated with smirking contempt. Walker demanded Colquhoun's inclusion as part of his agreement to host the show. It was a clear attempt to rejuvinate the career of the man responsible for taking �£10million out of ra Sellik coffers. Colquhoun was Rafael Scheidt's Agent. After taking his �£760,000(figure from Keevins) cut of the deal, he took the family down south for 5 years to avoid the deserved flak. Principled John knew he had sold his beloved hoops an absolute dud, on a 4 year contract(�£1.5million per year). Wooden Walker was determined to ressurrect his mate's career and reputation.

I tuned into Radio snyde last evening, expecting to hear Bitter Martin and Co offer grudging congratulations to champions, Rangers. I mean, it's just over 24 hours since the Bears triumph at Tannadice. Last week, Snyde continued to portray the arabs as akin to Barca, very few of the regulars could see Rangers achieving a victory. Indeed, the concensus was, if ra Sellik score first at ra Stydome, then the pressure piles on to Rangers in Dundee. It's all a question of bottle. Well, I feel Rangers answered the question and some. An excellent performance, three good goals, and the wonderful sight of 10,000 singing and dancing Bears. Lot's to discuss? Err, no, not really, Sellik's plight(as usual) was far more important in the Radio Snyde collective psyche. The panel was Big DJ and Andy walker. Bitter opened with Strachan's resignation and then read the the Bookies' odds on his possible replacement. Rangers title triumph was up next, DJ and Walker offered short homilies, and it was back to the important stuff, ra Sellik. In summary, one hour saw 11 callers, only one of which, wanted to discuss Rangers. Every other caller was an appeal to Coyle, McGhee, Mowbrey, McCarthy, ............etc. Interestingly, after the first three callers had breathlessly waved goodbye to wee Gordon and looked ahead to a better Sellik future, Bitter Martin interupted with, "I will not allow Radio Clyde to be accused of ignoring the other big story" and he played a 30 second recorded clip of Weir and Ferguson receiving the trophy. DJ was invited to say another few words, "to be honest, it could have gone either way". Then, it was back to ra Sellik. Andy Walker informed the listenership that, "no club in Scotland can match Celtic, they are the biggest club without doubt". Here is the new low, Bitter ran a 2 minute clip of ra Sellik's three in a row, himself, Nuremberg Hugh, and Guidi commentating on Lennon and McManus lifting Strachan titles one, two, and three. Seriously, this was North Korea broadcasting, yesterday did not happen, pasr green'n'grey glories are more important. They must be, because the vast majority of the show was allocated to their memories. Rangers have secured the title without having the Manager of the Year(he has just resigned), the Players' Player of the Year, and the Writers' Player of the Year, in their ranks. Listening to Snyde last evening, you begin to realise why this should occur. Radio Snyde, the epitome of Emperor's new clothes broadcasting.

There's a similarity here, with BBC Scotland's portrayal of Glenn loovens pernicious studding of Edu and Linesman Chambers decision making process reference Bougherra. BBC Scotland had it's proposed 5 minutes of old firm highlights on line for over 24 hours without portrayal or reference to Loovens assault. As soon as the incident was referred to the video review panel, the BBC hastily reinstated the footage in time for Monday night's Sportscene. On Saturday, at the death of Radio Snyde's broadcast of that day's action, Bitter Martin finished with, "I hear Mulgrew's red card will be rescinded, Bougherra's will stand, the Linesman will not change his mind". The word is that Chambers is one of the great unwashed in regular contact with the Lawwell on message media types. Basically, Chambers had spoken to one of them, from the officials room at Ibrox. It would appear Chambers insistance that Bougherra goes down for violent conduct was his undoing. Everyone agreed, Bougherra's action was NOT deliberate, thus cannot be violent conduct. It would appear that there is deliberate interference emanating from somewhere, not allowing the Yahoos to dictate the accepted/agreed line to be taken.

By far the worst 'zine for demonising and marginalising Bears, was an Aberdeen fanzine entitled, 'the Nothern Light'. A4 size, with lots of cartoons that habitually depicted Bears with wire coat hangers portruding from their heads. You see, in the land of Dolly, we are all failed abortions. It's almost 20 years since this rag was in it's pomp, but it's influence is everywhere in Scottish broadcast and print media. Phil Differ lifted screeds from the Nothern Light, ra Sellik View employed their main cartoonist, and it's the company bible at BBC Scotland. The P and J will continually(let's hope in perpetuity) use it as their preferred comfort blanket.

There is precedence. Remember Ricksen's kung foo challenge at Pittodrie? A lot, and I mean a helluva lot was made of Ricksen's change of direction after clearing the ball, to kick one of the Young brothers. Loovens does the exact same, he clears the ball, then changes intention to stud Edu on the knee. He should receive the same punishment as Ricksen.

After hitting the side netting, Plastic McGeady's visog is a picture of his parish priest commanding him to adopt the kneeling position and conduct some cheesy praying.

That t-shirt looks very similar to the type of thing on display in the window of the Legends shop in Stockwell Street. I have seen the Mr Bluenose one in the window display. The guy pairs t-shirts with the appropriate kilt, I wonder if he does, 'a right lazy bastard tartan'? It's a good sales pitch, buy a t-shirt for several quid, shell out a couple of hundred quid for the matching plaid.

The Herald's latest sales figure show a decrease to 59,500 daily. A decade ago, the Herald sold 120,000. I suspect the usual suspects, Donald Cowey(Sports Editor and former Editor of ra Sellik View) and Hugh MacDonald(Chief Sports Writer and former rc priest) have been ordered to instruct Darryl to throw the Huns a few crumbs of comfort. Let's see if we get the circulation back above 60,000?

Do I detect backtracking? John Robertson on BBC Radio Scotland last Saturday stating, "certain individuals in the media, elements of the Tartan Army, and the President of the SFA will all be happy with the bannings. The whole thing reeks of anti-Rangers sentiment". Yesterday, Craig Levein stating, "the story was over hyped by a vindictive newspaper". The latest News of the World revelation that Scott Brown also failed to make the 2pm stretching/swimming session(very interesting, as Radio snyde's anchor, Bitter Martin has continually run with Scott Brown was professional enough to make training whereas Ferguson and McGregore were incapable). A rancid pudding has been over-egged and poor Hamish day and daily waited impatiently to put his boot in. Hamish the Hater should be ignored and he can stick his act of contrition up his a-r-s-e.

Scotland on Sunday.

Tom English is a journo from the Republic of Ireland, he attempts to portray himself as modern and urbane. However, he is a product of his conditioning, an ardent Irish nationalist. I have long held the opinion that nationalism of any variety is almost always underpinned by a pernicious outlook. Oh, and he hates Rangers, particularly he hates Rangers supporters.