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A shabby looking young man wearing a Celtic shirt knocks on the pearly gates and asks to be let in. Saint Peter says "I don't know. Have you ever done anything good like given money to the poor?"

"No." replied the Tim

"Helped a widow or orphan?"

"No." replied the Tim

"Helped a little old lady across a street?"

"No." replied the Tim

"Well then, why should I let you in?"

"I did do something very brave once." Said the Tim

"And what was that?" asked Peter

"I went to Ibrox to see an Old Firm game and stood in the stands with the huns decked in full Celtic gear."

"My, that is brave!. When did you do that?"

"About 3 minutes ago...".:D

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John Paul is in court, and is asked to explain why he was at the home of Paddy Fitzpatrick.


"Ah wiz gettin a tap" said John


The judge looked confused. " Why dear boy would you need a tap? Was your sink broken?"


"Naw, naw that kinda tap" replied John


"I think my client means he was asking Mr Fitzpatrick for a loan of money" said John's lawyer


"Naw naw that kinda tap either" John said


The judge was even more confused " Well whatever do you mean then? What on earth kind of tap were you getting then"


"A Sellick tap"

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