Liewell's contract negotiations - funny one from Vanguard Bears

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Liewell's contract negotiations

Written by John McCrae

Thursday, 17 December 2009

 

 

An office somewhere inside the Stydome.

 

A young Estonian, dubbed by some as a wonderkid, ponders his future.

 

A voice breaks his concentration.

 

Liewell: "Sander, you've heard what Tony had to say, what is your answer?"

 

Sander Puri: "It is difficult."

 

Liewell: "What's difficult, lad, Tony went over everything."

 

Sander: "Yes, but the English, it is difficult."

 

Liewell: "I understand, lad, if your English isn't all that good, we'll get an interpreter in for the training, the tactics talks."

 

Sander: "No, Mr Liewell, my English is fine. I just don't understand what the coach says. He talks funny."

 

Liewell: "I'm a patient man, son, I'll go over it all with you. Now, from what you were saying, there's another team in the frame?"

 

Sander: "Yes, Larissa in Greece."

 

Liewell: "Right, well I'm prepared to do a sales pitch on our club. After that, you'll not even think about another club. Did you know we have 60,000 plus at every game. How many do they get?

 

Sander: "13,108."

 

Liewell: "Look at all the trophies we've won. And you might have heard we won the European Cup."

 

Sander: "I know, the first British club ...."

 

Liewell: "Well we don't refer to it like that, son. So, what have this Greek side ever won?"

 

Sander: "Well, they won their League in 1988. And the Cup once too."

 

Liewell: "And are they in Europe every season, like us?"

 

Sander: "Oh yes, Mr Liewell, Greece is a member state of the European Union too."

 

Liewell: "I didn't mean that, son, do they play in Europe every season, like we do, however briefly?"

 

Sander: "No, never have competed in Europe."

 

Liewell: "I can see only one team for you, son. Tony tells me you impressed at the trial we gave you."

 

Sander: "Mr Marinos Ouzinidis, he tell me I have good trial too."

 

Liewell: "Mr Who, lad?"

 

Sander: "He is coach of Larissa. He speak great English. I understand him."

 

Liewell: "Look son, we have a wonderful history, all the way back to 1888. When were this other lot founded?"

 

Sander: "1964, they have long history too."

 

Liewell:" You know we have a multi million pound training facility at Lennoxtown? And in a couple of years we'll move to a bigger better centre right next to our ground? What do they have?"

 

Sander: "They use small field on hill, just outside town."

 

Liewell: "And you know our hoops are known all the world over?"

 

Sander: "They have strange top too, half white, half maroon."

 

Liewell: "Seems to me you've no choice to make, son."

 

Sander: "You are right, Mr Liewell, only one club for me."

 

Liewell: "Great choice, son, so if you just sign there."

 

Sander: "No, no, Mr Liewell, I mean I go to Greece, I sign for Larissa."

 

Liewell: "For fvck sake, why son?"

 

Sander: "I read both club's history. I have long think."

 

Liewell: "What in the name of God can they offer you that we can't?"

 

Sander: "I am young boy. Some say I am good looking boy. I think my a55 is safer in Greece."

 

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