The Rapture According to Philip

[Fury 0]

It's not easy being a prophet in the internet age. Obviously, in terms of getting your message out, there are advantages. You can quickly build up a faithful following, and with each disciple comes the potential for word to spread further. Twitter, Facebook (FB), blogs and other social media are the stuff of dreams for your modern day David Koresh. However, with this quick and easy access to rumour and gossip comes a major downside. It's easy to verify whether you are talking rubbish and when your miracles don't come to pass you are open to fast and widespread ridicule.

 

With this in mind, the trick to being a prophet these days is to brainwash your followers to such a degree that even evidence of you getting it consistently and totally wrong is not enough to shake their faith. They will instead condemn the media who have failed to report your prophecy. It must have come true, right? "It's a conspiracy of silence" they will cry. In this respect Philip McGillivan has performed admirably. He's managed to get 99% of his prophecies wrong but still has a faithful and increasingly large following amongst the more eccentric in the Celtic support. These poor unfortunates will cling to anything in the face of their team faltering so badly in the title race.

 

His prophecies are in the very narrow, and some would say unlikely, area of Rangers Football Club. It seems odd that a self confessed supporter of Irish Republicanism, the IRA, Sinn Fein and Celtic would be the recipient of information about Rangers but there we have it. God (and Philip's mind) moves in mysterious ways. Philip, we are told, has a hotline to the legal minds involved in Rangers ongoing struggle with the tax man. These legal minds are "staunch Rangers" men and yet have chosen Philip to disseminate the confidential and highly damaging information which he claims to possess.

 

Now Philip, some of you may recall, was the mastermind behind the "Fakeover" campaign on Twitter and FB. The Craig Whyte takeover was all a sham. It was never going to happen. Craig Whyte was a front and a distraction invented by David Murray. All of this, of course, turned out to be total nonsense. Undeterred however, Philip just moved on to his next prophecy, putting the mistake down to an unreliable 'source'. Who knows, perhaps this voice in his head has now been banished, never to return.

 

Suddenly, Philip had a new 'source' to which he gave credence with the news that this "staunch Rangers" man had actually told him that the "Fakeover" information was incorrect. If only he had listened...

 

So it was with confidence that Philip and his band of brainwashed minions moved on to the next day in the 'Philipian' calendar. The 27/28th of October (it never pays to be too specific when making things up). This, we were told, was going to be a "momentous day in the history of Rangers Football Club". The inference being that the momentous nature of the day was not going to be positive for the club. In fact as the date drew nearer we were informed with increasing certainty, and not a little gloating, that this would be the day that Rangers went out of business for good. I believe the phrase "Game Over" was overused.

 

Well Philip - Aberdeen, Celtic and the SPL league table would disagree.

 

Philip to his credit does not give up. Even at 10pm on the night of the 28th we were told that Craig Whyte was holding a crisis meeting at Ibrox at which his 'source' was present. Rangers had "ceased to trade" he told us. Ibrox seemed like an odd venue for this meeting. Presumably somewhere more cloak and dagger would have been appropriate, had the meeting actually taken place, but this sent Philip's minions on blog sites and Twitter into a frenzy. The "huns" were out of business. Praise be to Philip.

 

Well it turned out to be pish again. This prompted even Graham Spiers, no friend of Rangers and a serial apologist for any unpleasant behaviour at Celtic Park, to label Philip as journalism's "ultimate chancer". Personally I thought this was quite generous since Philip isn't really a journalist at all but Graham did then undermine his point somewhat by making a prophecy of his own - that Rangers would in fact be out of business within 14 days. It's difficult to resist the allure and attention of the prophet's life apparently.

 

Now it seems increasingly likely that Rangers are going to face some form of administration unless they win the tax case or come to some mutually acceptable arrangement with HMRC. This will no doubt be met with cries of "told you so" from Philip and his minions. However, let us not forget that Craig Whyte himself has already acknowledged that administration is a likely outcome if the tax case cannot be resolved in our favour. It's hardly breaking news. Presumably guessing that every week is going to be the week that it happens is now enough for Philip's disciples. If, or when, he eventually get's it right he'll be hailed as a Celtic hero. The man who brought the "huns" to their knees. Well that's not really the truth but truth doesn't play a large part in the minds of these people.

 

If Rangers emerge from this whole affair unscathed then something along these lines will happen. It will be declared a disgrace by Philip. Some shadowy, 'establishment' organisation will have taken matters into it's own hands and will be blamed for rescuing the club. Indeed this conspiracy theory is already being prepared and has been given some major consideration - just in case he's got it wrong again you understand. Disciples have been urged to contact Celtic (and any other SPL clubs they can pretend to be fans of) to ensure that they do not give any support to the idea that a "New Rangers" should be allowed to continue in the SPL. This of course ignores the financial realities of life in the SPL without either of the Old Firm, but reality, like truth, is not the currency in which Philip deals.

 

If it does come to pass that somehow Philip has got it totally wrong again, then his disciples can be assured of one thing. Philip will strive to expose any Rangers related miscarriage of justice - if only his disciples can keep his website alive a bit longer with all their kind donations......

[Frankie 8,151]

A great article mate - I'll publish it on our main site later today...

[GovanAllan 0]

Great read Chris just read it on your Blog.

[Fury 0]

Thanks chaps,

 

My main aim with this stuff is just to get some messages out to as many Rangers fans as I can, who perhaps are not as aware of where all this negativity surrounding the club at the moment comes from. With that in mind I'll submit my blog articles here too since I'm sure that way many more people will get to read them.

 

I'm hoping to have a Q and A with Humza Yousaf on the Offensive Behaviour Bill shortly as well, although how useful his response will be remains to be seen.

[Guest Dutchy]

It's a pity the catholic church is so against contraception - although, they all use it - because if Phil's parents used it the night he was conceived, we wouldn't be having this discussion.

[Stimpy 0]

'Philipian' calendar

 

Hilarious.

 

Good read.

[Frankie 8,151]

Going live in a few minutes so moving this into the RFC chat...

[Frankie 8,151]

http://www.gersnetonline.co.uk/2010/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=454:-the-rapture-according-to-philip-&catid=1:articles&Itemid=67

[Bears 0]

Brilliant read. I don’t pay much attention to that clown. I am not a doctor or the likes, but it seems the guy is actually ill to the point he could harm himself.

 

I’ve posted a link to this on my Rangers FB page too.

 

Top stuff

[GovanAllan 0]

You really do have to wonder what makes these scum so obsessed with us. I couldn't give a monkeys what goes on at the peadodome from day to day. Now I know that we are the world record holding league champs and they must be very jealous but surely it's more than that.