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For your Sunday morning consideration. Just like the best newspaper keech, brought to you the night before!

 

 

Unseeing seems to be the order of the day, alright. From the lights going out at Ross County, to the media blackout of celtc's 'Oranje Bastard' ditty, to media and SFA Prophets of a New Dawn, proclaiming Great Days Ahead.

 

Those of you who played the music above will no doubt be reflecting on the stirring, rousing tune which inspired so much hope, fear and ultimately despair, as the Soviet Union sank from revolution to eventual collapse in 1991. I imagine those with no time for the doctrine of Marx and Engels can concede that, coming from Tsarist Russia, it was a noble attempt, even if it failed in gallons of the blood of its own people.

 

What does this have to do with Rangers, I hear you ask?

 

Hunners. Images of the old Soviet Union rushed back into my mind last week when the Pacific Quay CSC, in a move of unparalleled daftness even for them, decided to ask Jim Spence to cover the latest Rangers story; and then Josef Vissaronovitch Rhegan himself emerged on the back on some decent results for the national team to laud his latest useless initiatives.

 

Perhaps Spence was being tested to see if the he could actually manage to report on Rangers without being inaccurate; perhaps it was to punish the listeners by making them listen to his awful ,stuttery, regional accent more than usual; perhaps it was an 'up you' to the Rangers fans who apparently lined themselves up with those other emblems of totalitarianism, the Nazis and the Stasi, by invoking the feared, Gestapo like tactic of emailing the BBC complaints department.

 

Many of the survivors of world war two have, now you think about it, mentioned in their memoir the resemblance between the BBC and the authoritarian regimes they had help destroy, so this should come as little surprise. Who can forget Airey Neave's classic 'Colditz? A Holiday Camp Compared to the Beeb', or Douglas Bader's 'No Legs is Nothing Compared to No Freedom at the BBC'.

 

Anyhow, those images of communist days. As a young leftie, I often watched with open jaw as representatives of the USSR came on the screen to tell us how everything there was wonderful and the western media were lying. That this was so obviously untrue left one wondering what it was they were trying to do; and the obvious answer was, of course, that they were trying to cover up the truth.

 

Those old enough to recall the Chernobyl disaster will perhaps also remember the special, English language edition of Pravda which was on sale in Britain, and which sought to limit the consequences of this aged nuclear reactor blowing up to roughly akin to those of Kirk Broadfoot microwaving his breakfast.

 

No-one was fooled.

 

All the more nostalgic then, that Soviet Jim Spence should wind up his piece last week with a heartfelt op ed about how wonderful things were in the Scottish footballing garden, and that only Rangers were kept inside, locked in a permanent argument with its mum and not being allowed out to join in. Pravda got nothing on you, boy.

 

No doubt the fans of Dunfermline & Hearts, going through their own miseries, felt a trifle piqued at being lumped in with the everybody happy! gang. It's unlikely many premiership treasurers are licking their lips at the thought of Hamilton winning the championship and bringing the bonanza that is the Accies travelling support (last home games, attendances 1,113 against Raith and 1,059 against LIvingstone) to the behemoth that is the SPFLP. Big Money!!!

 

Kilmarnock fans, fighting their board to see who can hurt their club the most, might take issue with his comments; it goes on and on. Aberdeen close stands; the game is vibrant, apparently. celtc hide empty swathes of seats with banners; never been better! If only Pravda still existed, a job would be made for Spence instantly.

 

The lights going out at Ross County during their game against ICT the other week says it all - if you don't want to see it, you don't need to see it. You can't help but think of Zaphod Beeblebrox's 'danger glasses' in The Hitch-Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy, which black out whenever danger threatens. Cool facewear, and great writing, but no basis to plan the future of the game.

 

And what about us? A tartan version of Trotsky, exiled to the Mexico that is the fourth division, one can sense the ice-picks being readied lest we attempt to get back to what it known, apparently without irony, as the top of Scottish football. This expression seems to me to be akin to trying to find the top of your arsehole, but let that pass.

 

The terror among some media commentators lest someone with money to invest get inside the doors of Ibrox is palpable; Rangers, the betamax to the SPFL's VHS, the Oracle to it's Teletext, the Scott Brown, if you will, to their Mezsut Ozil, are going to face some serious barricades which are being hastily erected to hold us back.

 

Red Rhegan has broken his recent and extremely welcome media silence to re-assure the fans of other clubs that should Dave King try to get a job at Rangers, well, blimey, he will certainly have a good look at it and by gum, there will be no hiding places! Only the best of people for us! No doubt we'll all sleep better tonight knowing Stewart is looking out for us. Only a churl would recall his total lack of action when not one but two shysters bought our club, and conclude that he's more afraid of Rangers getting themselves organised than he is of any more damage to the club.

 

We certainly have our problems and some our fans are probably as blinkered as Spence on some issues. But at least we don't pull the commissar's cap down over our eyes and insist that paradise is just around the corner. The bad news for Rhegan and his media mouthpieces is that our eyes are well and truly open now...we see you, and we know what we're looking at.

Edited by andy steel
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only on Gersnet would a post which begins with the Soviet national anthem and then proceeds via Leon Trotsky, Karl Marx, Douglas Bader, Jim Spence and the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy to end up referencing Stewart Reagan be bumped in favour of one which begins: "Christmas Day became an official established holiday in Scotland for the first time in 1972".

 

Honest to God, the only place you get writing like this is The New Yorker magazine.

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isn't their a duty on the sfa to paint a positive picture to attract sponsors etc.

 

the press probably should question that but they may say that they want to help not harm scottish football.

 

who knows. one things for sure the press are laughable.

 

The SFA have a legal duty to carry out their business to the best of their ability (stop sniggering in the back!) so you can't really blame them for acting like a possé of incompetent twats, if that's the best they can do. The press, however, decided to jump aboard the good ship "Kick the Huns to Death" when it left port in fair weather. The Press and the anti-Rangers assassination squads are, if not the same thing, then occupying the same ground with no way to leave it. The media, with two journalist exceptions, decided that our death and humiliation would make for a better story than the criminality that lead up to our downfall.

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only on Gersnet would a post which begins with the Soviet national anthem and then proceeds via Leon Trotsky, Karl Marx, Douglas Bader, Jim Spence and the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy to end up referencing Stewart Reagan be bumped in favour of one which begins: "Christmas Day became an official established holiday in Scotland for the first time in 1972".

 

Honest to God, the only place you get writing like this is The New Yorker magazine.

 

Wait till DB comes on.:violin:

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The press, however, decided to jump aboard the good ship "Kick the Huns to Death" when it left port in fair weather.

 

What an image. Love it! Sadly accurate, too.

 

What hits home is we are trying to get back to the top League in Scotland, it doesn't seem worth the effort.

 

This is how I feel a lot as well but I suppose we need to fight that feeling as hard as possible. Short of the Steel masterplan happening - buy some land immediately over the border, build a 75,000 seater stadium & ancillary village, then work up from the Cumbria & District Sheep Worriers' League Division 2 - we're stuck here!

 

only on Gersnet would a post which begins with the Soviet national anthem and then proceeds via Leon Trotsky, Karl Marx, Douglas Bader, Jim Spence and the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy to end up referencing Stewart Reagan be bumped in favour of one which begins: "Christmas Day became an official established holiday in Scotland for the first time in 1972".

 

Honest to God, the only place you get writing like this is The New Yorker magazine.

 

Is that good or bad?

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What hits home is we are trying to get back to the top League in Scotland, it doesn't seem worth the effort.

 

I'd go further. I really am not looking forward to it. I work most weekends but make trips up to see us when I am not. Or at least I did last year, am doing so this season and plan to the one after. If we go up (I don't like tempting fate) in successive seasons to the "top" of our arsehole, er, division ,..... then, I really will find it hard. I do want to see Rangers of course but I never want to see us play the timz again, I can't bear the thought of being that physically close to them or the Sheep or Hibs, Dundee Hibs - pretty much all of them actually. I feel the same re Dunfermline and, very much so, Hearts.

Edited by SteveC
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Great stuff Andy. There's nothing like the old Soviet national anthem to set you up for the day.

 

That Regan's ineptitude is tolerated is the saddest indictment on football in this country. He's clearly out of his depth and has presided over nothing but chaos at club and international level.

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