Merlin! - Three Little Pigs!

[ian1964 10,409]

THE THREE LITTLE PIGS

 

By Billy Grimm

 

Once upon a time in Fairytale Land there were Three Little Pigs who were fans of a football club. They were having a hard time with the Big Bad Wolf constantly at their door, huffing and puffing and threatening to blow the club away. This had happened once before and the pigs were fearful it could happen again. So they decided they had to build a stronger club but they could not agree on how to do it.

 

So the First Little Pig decided the fans had to put their money together and buy the club. He held a meeting where he outlined the plans and asked everyone to put in money every month and eventually there would be a big pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Some fans agreed to do this. Some said they had no money so couldn’t. Some said it was a good idea. Some said it was crazy. A fight broke out with some fans accusing others of being closet supporters of the rival club. It all got very messy. The First Little Pig slid away out into the night, his dreams in tatters, his nightmares returning of the wolf at the door.

 

The Second Little Pig heard of this debacle and snorted. He had a much simpler idea. He would phone The King of Fairytale Land and ask him to give them squillions and squillions of money to save their club. The very next day The King rode up on his white horse. He looked magnificent, his armour shining in the sunlight. He gave an impassioned speech. The assembled crowd of fans cheered and said The King had helped in the past with even more squillions so he would do it again. He made promises. He made heart-felt pledges. His oratory lifted the crowds to new heights of frenzy. Then he reared up on his white steed and headed off into the sunset. And where he and his horse had stood was his gift to the club. ‘What is that?’ asked one little boy. ‘That,’ replied the Second Little Pig ‘is a pile of shite’.

 

So the Third Little Pig decided perhaps what was needed was not idealistic clap trap but some straight-talking, no-nonsense investors. He had heard of two brothers who were not renowned for their oratory or their bullshit but who got things done. He phoned and invited them to his little house. The very next day a big blue bus pulled up at his window. Two men got out. They were Big Brother and Very Big Brother. The Little Pig invited them in and they sat in his little chairs. With difficulty. ‘So,’ asked Little Pig ‘what can you do for the club?’ ‘Simples,’ replied Very Big Brother, ‘firstly you need to get rid of the people in the club who have been mismanaging and overspending.’ ‘And you could do that?’ asked Little Pig. ‘Aye,’ said Big Brother. ‘Next,’ said Very Big Brother, ‘you bring in people who are respected, who have a proven track record of good management and who you can trust to look at the books and begin to make plans. In particular you must have a good leader running the club, someone with integrity, someone who will balance the books by making cuts if need be and preferably someone who has run a football club before.’ ‘But would you be able to find someone like that?’ asked Little Pig. ‘Aye’ said Big Brother. ‘But what if the club is needing investment now to get things onto a strong footing?’ asked Little Pig. ‘We would be willing to put money into the club’ said Very Big Brother. ‘Your own money?’ asked Little Pig scarcely believing his ears. ‘Aye, no problem’ said Big Brother. They sat staring at The Third Little Pig. They were not very smiley and a little scary. ‘Is that it then?’ asked Very Big Brother. ‘Well I suppose so,’ said Little Pig. ‘Thank you’. ‘No problem,’ replied Big Brother. Little Pig showed them to the door and as they boarded their big blue bus he distinctly heard Very Big Brother say to Big Brother ‘so let’s go and find that fucking wolf.’

 

http://billmcmurdo.wordpress.com/blog-2/

[Waltersgotstyle 297]

Gibberish of the highest order.

[Scott7 5,135]

Quite a nice little story but I doubt that the allegory stands up.

[ian1964 10,409]

[aweebluesoandso 290]

Tolkien can rest easy in his grave.

[Bluedell 5,329]

There once were 3 pigs. One was white, one was green and one sounded as if he came from a land far away. They owned a football club and always had their snouts in the trough. When the trough was empty they sold the club to Very Big Brother and Big Brother for 3 golden coins.

 

Some time later the King rode up on his white horse to the club. He looked magnificent, his armour shining in the sunlight. He gave an impassioned speech and People were very impressed as he promised them great riches. However Very Big Brother and Big Brother turned him away as they saw that the troughs had been refilled by the generous People and they wanted to act like pigs and put their snouts in the troughs. The People were dismayed as yet again they had been let down by those who had been cursed by an evil wizard who came from a kingdom far away in the east where people did not wash..

 

Meanwhile Billy Grimm rolled about in the stuff that the pigs had left in the sty, telling the People about it and trying to persuade them that it was gold but the People were not fooled. They knew he was not a wizard as he claimed but was the village simpleton who unfortunately showed none of the sense of his wise father.

[the gunslinger 3,366]

Makes me hate the easdales even more

[Calgacus 8]

merlin has spent so much time string into his crystal ball, he's lost contact with reality