Herald Oxymoron

[26th of foot 5,829]

Go back twenty-five years and the Glasgow Herald was considered a decent blatt. It had been providing a news service to west, central Scotland for in excess of two hundred years. As the millennium approached, it's Editor was Aberdeen supporting Harry Reid and it's daily circulation was 120,000. The mixture of local news, national and international news combined with varied witty and incisive Columnists gave it's readership what it wanted. The necessary robust Editorials and vibrant correspondence pages took the readership to places of discomfort. The Glasgow Herald was a successful broad sheet newspaper.

 

Now, my fellow Gersnetters will correctly note the millennium was the tipping point for newspaper sales, it has been a downward trend ever since. However, Harry Reid was replaced by old Etonian, Mark Douglas Home in the year 2000 and, the Herald spiralled into an accelerated slump. Douglas Home appointed two Deputy Editors, former Celtic View Editor, Kevin McKenna and soon to be SNP MSP, Joan McAlpine. The Columnists hired highlighted nepotism, the Editor's wife, west Belfast born and bred, Colette Douglas Home, preferred prejudice in Ewing Grahame and, the useful idiot, Graham Spiers. Five short years later the circulation had diminished by two thirds to under 40,000.

 

Today, the circulation hovers around 12,000. The chief Columnist is Kevin Mckenna and being a product of his conditioning he pens articles reference his obsessions. The man who founded his own amateur football team at Glasgow University, 'the Vatican Strollers', the man who was allowed to resign the Editorship of the Celtic View after saying, "the IRA bombing of the Enniskillen Remembrance service was a legitimate act of war" and, the man who Nicola Sturgeon proclaimed, "the poster boy for Scottish Independence" has spent a quarter of a century moulding what is left into his own image. This year the Herald rescued the career of Gabriel McKay - he wrote when seeing the late Queen opening the Commonwealth Games at Celtic Park, "where are the IRA when you need them"? Kevin's charity has extended to Angela Haggerty, accepting an invitation to be her son's Godfather.

 

The Godfather has overseen today's sub-editor headline, "Celtic had to lock out the Green Brigade before Glasgow City Council closed down Parkhead". 

 

The headline travels across an entire spectrum and concludes with the fantasy of Glasgow City Council contemplating closure of ra Stade de Gadd - the morons' oxymoron.

[Blue Moon 1,113]

Brilliant 26th

[JohnMc 2,468]

I think McKenna will peddle whatever the hierarchy down London Road way tell him. I've never seen much capacity for original thought. 

[Bluedell 5,329]

And not forgetting their pro-independence sister "newspaper" The National, which is no friend of ours either.

 

The Rangers Review is sadly from the same stable and help keep afloat the aforementioned blats, and that's why I boycott it.

[Gonzo79 13,589]

Objectivity no longer exists in most areas of the Scottish press.  

That lot infiltrated it from the 80s onwards and that's why we are where we are today.  

[Uilleam 5,409]

The real story behind the banning of the green 'brigade' is something that the pusillanimous Scottish press and other media will not touch, or even get within stone throwing range of, and it is this: 

Hamas' Commandant for Scottish Affairs -yes, of course there is one, thank you, AirMiles Aonghas - telephoned Peter @Parkhead (International Speed Dial -if you know, you know- from Qatar) and the conversation went something like this:

 

"Fuxake, Peter, fuxsake! 

Ah know that we asked for fullest international solidarity and support, but, and you fuckin' know oor position, no' thay cunts!

Get thaym tae fuck! Stoapped! Noo!

Ah'm under pressure, here. We're getting enough bad press.

So, Ah'll no' tell ye again!

By the by how's yer driveway?"

 

"OK, understood! Will do!"

 

And so it came to pass...immediately.

 

 

Alternatively, Messrs Adidas, a sponsor, who until now, has shown no shame, whatsoever, about supporting pederasty, has, finally, chugged the golden chain.

[Soulsonic5791 408]

Heated driveways - they’re the way forward! 😆

[Bill 13,717]

On 01/11/2023 at 15:24, Bluedell said:

The Rangers Review is sadly from the same stable and help keep afloat the aforementioned blats, and that's why I boycott it.

It turns out I’ve been boycotting it too, since I’ve never heard of it before.

[26th of foot 5,829]

Today's Herald sees Kevin McKenna aka, 'the Godfather' travel to Kirkton in Dundee and meets up with Jum Spence aka, 'the Rectum'. The dynamic duo are intent upon resolving the social and economic problems present in the Clootie City suburb. 

 

Last week, the Kirkton denizens barricaded off a couple of streets, built a bonfire and demonstrated their inner Bash Street Kids mentality. PC Murdoch took a bleaching, the Godfather and the Rectum are donning capes. It is all very Desperate Dan.

 

Jute, jam and, Jumism saves the day.

 

 

[26th of foot 5,829]

"Naive Celtic need to learn from the masters of the dark arts".

 

Above is the headline from today's Herald. There is a struggle to come to terms with Tuesday evening's Champions League skelping in Madrid. The Journo penning the piece is Graeme McGarry, the Herald's current Senior Sports Writer; recently before his designation was, Senior Celtic Writer. Graeme is a growing group of obsessive scarred Journos attending weekly self help meetings. However the group hugs(should that be Huddle) are not enough, you have to write Sellik View pysh to attain a tad more comfort. Anyways, below are the first two paragraphs, any further exposure will have you searching for your own self help groupings.

 

"If you are going to get a lesson in the dark arts of football, then you may as well get it from the masters. Atletico Madrid's jaw dropping Estadio Municipal could well be the Harvard of football's dirty tricks, and how to deploy them while testing the boundaries of the rulebook.

Certainly, there was more than a whiff of orchestration about the way the entire Atletico bench sprung up in unison when Celtic winger, Daizen Maeda went in late to a challenge with their defender, Mario Hermoso, and how they then crowded referee, Ivan Kruzliak to keep the pressure on him as he reviewed the incident on the VAR screen".

 

Graeme let me remind you of the final result : Atletico 6(SIX) Sellik 0.

 

The only dark arts are allowing Kevin McKenna to whisper whilst he sticks his tongue in your ear.