Can ya see wharrit is yet � ?

[Guest Ribz]

Administering the result. That�s what the Italians call it.

 

Maybe if we hadn�t been wearing Monaco strips - maybe if we�d stuck to the Azzurri home tops we�d somehow have been able to see out the second of the leads we took in Ayrshire today.

 

But then again, Big Dado once knocked in four goals in twenty three minutes of a Champions League match wearing that very strip he wore today, against a Deportivo La Coruna side who traditionally play in a bit of a Killie strip. He couldn�t put away two gilt-edged chances today.

 

But then again, we have two deep-lying midfielders in our new formation, supposedly to give us a way of bolting tight shut our defence in the event of, say, trying to hang onto a 1-goal lead with four minutes to go.

 

But then again, again, Dado did set up both Kris Boyd�s goals, is an all-round legend without whom we�d be nothing and - geeze a break! - we�re only five games intae the season, the first season of a new regime, and the transfer window isnae even shut yet.

 

Paul Le Guen�s still sketching the outline of his master plan and there�s plenty of evidence that it�ll be a seriously impressive work when complete. To be only one point off the top and still unbeaten in such circumstances - without Barry Ferguson - is pretty much as good as you can hope for.

 

Give Killie their due - they fought and fought and, apparently, had a pair o� fair shouts for penalties before the one they eventually got.

 

I say ââ?¬Å?apparentlyââ?¬Â because my Ã?£23.00 today bought me a dollââ?¬â?¢s house furniture-sized seat in the second-front row of the Chadwick Stand. Thatââ?¬â?¢s the subterranean area of the ground. Iââ?¬â?¢d been approached by a policeman before the game as I slinked up a side street to shove in my contacts - the constable thought I was popping some sort of drug. If only I was that interesting and if only Iââ?¬â?¢d taken a periscope instead of some disposable soft lenses.

 

The first half seemed to be going okay because Allan McGregor, stood almost above me, touched the ball about twice, most of the Rangers team and Kilmarnock players spent most of the opening 45 down at the other end, almost out of eye-shot and all the Gers fans in the Moffat stand stood up and cheered at one point. I think we were winning 1-0 at half-time.

 

To be honest, it was great to be so close to the action - well, to the pitch. This is why going to games beats the TV every time - even if your view�s shit, you still feel more involved. Even, ironically, if you don�t know what�s happening because all you can see up the other end of the pitch is a mass of legs from the knees up, you have a goalie right in front of you who could hear every bit of abuse or encouragement you decided to throw his way.

 

Hey - you�re making a difference, man.

 

The Killie keeper decided he wasn�t taking any chances today - he�d read all about Artur Boruc - so he wore an orange top.

 

Low and behold, my aunt, uncle and wee cuz were in the row behind me, along a wee bit. They had a spare seat for the second half and I completed the first misfortune of their day by joining them. Too bad I slipped back a row - being second from the front, I was determined to do one of those things ye always see front-row punters doing - like clambering over the wall to bear-hug a Rangers scorer or push my fat, bealinââ?¬â?¢ face into a stewardââ?¬â?¢s as I ranted and raved about some trivial tenuous ââ?¬Å?public orderââ?¬Â issue which Iââ?¬â?¢d got confused with the fact my team chucked away a late equaliser.

 

Once I eventually found my seat in the massive game of Sudoko which is Rugby Park - only every fith or sixth seat has a number on it so if youââ?¬â?¢re in number 67 you have to look all round for a 70 or a 63, say, and then start counting - my main concern was getting plenty of reasons to jump up and down, because Kilmarnock FC donââ?¬â?¢t provide seats suitable for the more generously proportioned gentleman. On the big screen opposite, McSherry and someone, solicitors were flashing up nicely conceited adverts for ââ?¬Å?getting you out of a tight cornerââ?¬Â but I could have done with their help just to get my knees from under my front teeth after following the edict from another advert to try the Killie pie.

 

I work alongside Frazer Wright�s cousin - a Motherwell fan and a top bloke. Allan would go down to Stair Park to see Mr Wright at the outset of his career and I�d be one of the anoraks most interested in his second-hand, first-hand tales of life in the senior ranks come Monday morning. Frazer was only 40-odd games away from becoming Stranraer�s all-time record holder for appearances when he went to Killie, still at the age of 12ish. I�d told his cuz that, had it been me, I�d probably have stayed in the lower divisions to get the record rather than leave for the SPL big time. That�s because I�m anal - but I wish he�d fucking done it, then the bugger wouldn�t have equalised against us today.

 

But, despite the misses from Dado, our Croat god plugged away to help create another chance which was again sublimely finished by Kris Goal-Machine Boyd.

 

Ah, the thrill of seeing the ball slipped under the keeper, just a few yards in front of where yer sat. Ahh, the agony of realising the last time ye were this close to the action was at Dunfermline on Boxing Day when - BINGO! - we conceded an injury tme penalty to deny us a victory.

 

Bugger. What IS happening to this Masonic conspiracy???!! I pay good money to keep things ââ?¬Å?on the levelââ?¬Â in Scottish Football! Will someone PLEASE remind the refs Rangers are supposed to be AWARDED last-minute pens.

 

Anyway, Buffel came on and so did Sebo. Sebo looked ineffective and made a very poor choice with our last chance of the game but it was hardly his fault we dropped yet more points in this rebuilding period. Thomas B looks just like Dado these days - able to open up defences at will but unable to be the second natural finisher we need. Just as well Boyd is a preternatural finisher.

 

Bazza, Burkey and even Bardsley will all return and the outline will be completed, the shading applied and the detail detailed. We�ll soon all be able to clearly see a fully realised winning Rangers portrait - even if we�re stuck in the first few rows of the Chadwick or Moffatt stands.

 

PS - if yer driving from Glasgow to North Ayrshire on February 11th next year, you could do worse than find yerself parked outside the Bonnyton cafe. Superb bag of chips and a can of coke for �£1.70. Feed yer face as ye listen to the radio reports and the line of traffic which is jamming ye in begins to dwindle.

 

I�ll be needing a giant shoe horn to get me out my Killie seat in the New Year �

[Frankie 8,148]

Good and funny post...

 

Fat Eck can write some decent stuff when he wants. A slight return to form.