David Murray Renewal Letter Translation

[Frankie 8,150]

Some of you will already have received your season ticket renewal notices this week. As usual, it comes with an accompanying letter from our esteemed chairman. Just in case you can't isolate the truth from the spin and the smoke, have a look at the results of our BabelFish translation of the letter.

 

 

Dear customer/bigot,

 

I am writing to you after a regretfully disappointing season draws to a close, yet once again Rangers supporters have continued to demonstrate unwavering allegiance during another year of me taking your money and investing none of my own huge personal wealth or time into the club. Incredibly, despite our awful performances on and off the field we still manage to keep season tickets high ââ?¬â?? even I am surprised at how loyal you guys are. Just in case though, hereââ?¬â?¢s another 3 new (and low quality) strips for you to spend another Ã?£30 per person on. That should really test your allegiance.

 

The immediate priority however, is bolstering the first team squad and I am committed to backing Walter because no-one will buy this club off me yet. This will enable him to mount a challenge for 2nd place next season and to secure Champions league qualifier participation ââ?¬â?? if we can get past Hearts, Hibs and our friends from the North East in the SPL. Donââ?¬â?¢t the Ultras from Aberdeen back their team well when they are here?

 

In order to achieve these objectives we will need to strengthen the squad, but it is vitally important that we continue to operate within our financial means, which in an increasingly competitive market will require prudent management. As such, we have been working extremely hard going through all the DVDs, videos and letters from our agent friends to ensure we spent the least amount of money while making sure the names are strange enough to call them the next Laudrup, Albertz or Gough. Walter has also made it clear that players, both new and existing, will have to earn their place in the Rangers first team squad. On the field commitment, spirit, quality and pride isn�t necessary on match days but as long as we don�t get beat you guys will be happy surely?

 

Off the pitch we continue to rely on voluntary fans� organisations ideas ensuring all revenue streams are maximised to facilitate the required investment in the team and the stadium. That being said, we will not be increasing season tickets by a substantial amount next season. Just enough to emotionally blackmail you into another year while getting the most out of you.

 

Following a pricing review we have decided to rationalise our prices across the stadium, stand by stand, to ensure that your season ticket continues to offer value for money. Well, value for money in the sense of you pay to get in and that�s about it. Isn�t Andy Cameron a hoot?

 

I am determined as ever to ensure success (no buyers yet?) and I am confident that next season we will fight to regain 2nd place and to ensure we can beat the odd Israeli team by a few goals to appease my European ambitions.

 

Thank you for your continued and loyal support for the club ââ?¬â?? sign the form now or my lads from the protest last year know your address.

 

Yours Faithfully

 

Sir David Murray

 

Chateaus Routas oops Rangers FC.

 

PS: Stop singing those sectarian songs ââ?¬â?? (MediaHouse)

[Gazza_8 233]

He really does think the Rangers fans are a bunch of clowns!