26th of foot

The Great St Patrick's Day Mystery?

It is over a fortnight since the designated day where we get to acknowledge/celebrate the life of a teenage Scot lifted by Irish pirates fifteen hundred years ago. Apparently, he banished snakes from the Emerald Isle and raised 33 folks from the dead. Believed to be the son of a Roman tax collector that travelled the length and breath of Britain, he could probably qualify for three different passports. St Patrick's life is as big a mystery as what occurred in PQ on the 17th March'24.

RAB and Tam presented Off the Ball as normal on Saturday the 16th March'24, even told us the next day's guest was Author, Christopher Brookmyer. You may remember the Sunday, Dundee were due to host Rangers in an SPFL Premiership match. The Dark blues Chair, John Nelms had been forking the pitch since five that morning but to no avail, Dens Park was deemed unplayable for the fourth time this season. Off the Ball was scheduled for a three O'Clock start but, was brought forward and aired between two and four O'Clock presented by Ray Bradshaw and Stephen Reside. Where were RAB and Tam?

In new, modern Scotland; transparency is most important and the listeners are always told in advance of changes. The ensuing episodes will have numerous references to holidays, illness and, other work commitments. Thirty years of constant hosting has conditioned them on the ongoing importance of securing and promoting their more lucrative side earnings. There has been no explanation as to why both of them performed an Agatha Christie like disappearance. I doubt they were holed up in a Harrogate Spa hotel?

Tam has school fees for his daughter thus, if he preferred to take a wedge for hosting/doing the MC for some middle class St Paddy's function, I am sure the listeners will understand. RAB's uber Scots nationalism has a rival, his obsession with Ireland means he does not allow Twinnings Tea in the house. The good friends of the show ie Gerry Braiden, Kevin McKenna, Angela Haggerty, Susie McCabe, ......... etc and, the other ie License Fee payers will understand if RAB wants to cement his place in the new establishment ie a good position at the overflowing trough. Plastic Paddydom demands obedience.

Could the mystery have a more simple answer? The following weekend, RAB was flying solo because we were told Tam had man-flu. RAB shared the show with Susie McCabe, Paul English and, Stephen O'Donnell. It is a Sellik State of Mind. This weekend, RAB is off on his Easter break and Tam has sahred presenting with Ray Bradshaw. Lots of man-flu references have been over egging. Could it be that both having been found in breach of standards, the St Patrick's vanishing act is a euphemism for the necessary diversity training? 

Remember, when the Irish ladies team won at Hampden last year and were caught on film giving it the full IRA karaoke in the national stadium's dressing room? RAB enacted a euphemism, wondering why all the fuss including a full apology from the FAI when he said, "all they did was sing Paddy McGinty's goat".

As for the great St Patrick's day mystery, why both were posted missing? Silence is compliance, we should be told.

A couple of years past at the Rangers AGM, I thought a chap from Edinburgh asked a good question. He was mid thirties and told as a lad of travelling through to Ibrox on the supporters bus. His old man and other adults in the club bunged him a couple of quid and he entered the Rangers shop, knowing he could purchase a bar of Rangers chocolate and a club keyring. He reminded the Board that dozens of other children did likewise because a fiver got you a couple of items. He ended by stating there was nothing in the shop these days for under fifteen pounds, why?

I have a couple of nephews and a niece, I want to give them all an Easter Egg. This morning I went over to Ibrox and was surprised and appalled they no longer stocked Easter Eggs and have no plans to do so in the future. I remember the shop used to stock a selection of Rangers themed eggs, the eggcitement of receiving a Rangers crested mug containing a choccy representation of warmth, shelter and, sustenance. We are playing Hibs at home on Saturday, the club should roll away the stone and resurrect the eggpectation of indulgence.

There was an opportunity this week for the club to receive a bit of good publicity. The Orcadian shopkeeper that over ordered several hundred Easter Eggs on the island of Sanday was looking to offload. Bung the RNLI and take the eggs and get Broxi to hand them out pre-match. The receiving kids would have been eggstatic.

We used to sing at this time of year :

There is a green hill far away

Without a city wall

Where our dear Lord

Was crucified

He died to save us alllllllllllllllllllllll together now, the cry was no Easter Eggs.

Sort it Rangers.

Back in 2012, it was hard watching a Rangers team cast into the lower reaches of Scottish football.

There were a few bright lights; Lee Wallace's commitment to the club, Barrie McKay's verve and, Lewis Macleod's determination to prove, 'there can be only one'. I thought Lewis shone brightest, undersold by David Somers for £900,000 and, two appalling knee injuries at Brentford saw the diminishing of what could have been a stellar career. He is only 30 years of age, I wish him every success as Rangers Academy Coach.

A Celtic State of Mind?

These last couple of years I have highlighted the growing influence of the podcast, 'A Celtic State of Mind' enjoys within the PQ Gang Hut. It would be worth some Gersnet detective taking the time to source the monies behind this production and it's growing influence. The high production values are heavily influenced by Youtube's, Tiny Desk concerts. The Presenter is Kd Lang lookalike, Paul John Dykes and he has appeared on various BBC Scotland outlets these last few years promoting the establishment club. RAB Cosgrove praises ACSOM, it's approach and professional values.

A former contributor, Amy Canavan has been a Gang Hut staffer for three years and finds it difficult to distinguish between presenting for the national broadcaster and lionising her green'n'grey hooped horror heroes. Remember, Beeb Scotland are always telling us, "we support every Scots club in Europe". Amy appeared on, 'the View from the Terrace' last year to tell of her and her family's delight at watching the Europa Cup final penalty shoot out culmination. Their Bonnyrigg home erupted in cheers as the Aaron Ramsey penalty was saved. The regular panelists on the show smiled widely as Amy evoked a warm memory. I believe it is what RAB Cosgrove refers to as, "cheeky rivalry"? Rangers supporters must be the wrong kind of Scots.

This week, Amy presented two editions of BBC Scotland's, 'the Scottish Football Podcast'. Even as the wrong kind of Scots, we expect the national broadcaster's podcast to be accurate and objective. Amy's first attempt was on Monday and her guest was the epitome of Plastic Paddydom, Aiden McGeady. The Dens Park postponement was unfortunate but, more importantly ra Sellik were back where they belong on top of the Premiership. Tuesday had Amy talking about VAR blame culture and Scotland's involvement in the Euros. Her guest was Kevin McCluskie, described as a Hungarian football expert. This reminded me of Newsnight a dozen years past when during Rangers financial implosion, Angela Haggerty was introduced as, 'a Financial Expert".

Of course, Angela's only qualification is an HND in Journalism from Cardonald College. Kevin McCluskie's expertise in the Magyars emanates from his regular appearances on the Celtic State of Mind. His real reason for appearing was VAR and the blame culture and, it is NOT ra Sellik's fault. No, no and, thrice no; Sellik are the vicTIMs. Amy and Kevin support Sellik speaking out after the ridiculous VAR calls at Tynecastle. The PQ gang Hut Producers set the topics(agendas) and they do not want Amy and Kevin screaming in the wilderness.

On Monday and Tuesday, the main topics on A Celtic State of Mind were :

Sellik right to speak out and Dermot Desmond and Peter must exert more influence.

As License Fee payers, particularly for the wrong kind of Scots it is becoming harder to distinguish between the Youtube podcast and the national broadcaster podcast, "new VAR officials must satisfy the criteria of having been a Rangers season ticket holder or are wanting to become a Rangers season ticket holder". My favourite was, "as Celtic fans we attempt to be as balanced on a subject as we can". This Masonic/Orange conspiracy thing is incredibly inefficient : Sellik have secured 12 titles in 13 seasons, a quadruple Treble, more penalties, least cautions, least red cards, titles awarded mid pandemic, ........ etc.

Constantly articulating victimhood by utilising pseudo intellectual rhetoric is the true Sellik state of mind whether, it is on Youtube or the national broadcaster.

John Nelms forks the Dens Park pitch with his tongue.

John Nelms is a former US Navy submariner, he spent several years based at the Holy Loch. Continually diving too deep, enduring weeks of breathing each others' farts and, when they open the hatch you find yourself in a midge infested hell hole; it all has an effect. This Bubblehead's particular bubble is helium, have you heard him speak? John keeps his mouth open because he is attempting to equalise head pressure, a fortunate trait that Peter finds most convenient. John is happy to be compliant.

According to John he fell in love with ra Sellik whilst moored in Argyll and when he returned to Scotland, fronting Texan millionaire, Tim Keyes investment he was anxious to follow his heart. Dundee were the club he utilised to beat his Yahoo desire. He proposed a Dundee - Sellik league fixture should be played Stateside on St Patrick's day, preferably in Boston. He voted twice by e-mail to secure Sellik's nine-in-a-row and muddied the waters by claiming spam folder happenstance that annoyed Partick Thistle, ICT, Stranraer and, Rangers. He created a scheme allowing Gordon Strachan to have dual roles at both Dundee and ra Sellik.

John thinks both Neil Doncaster and Murdoch MacLennan are stand up guys and we can all look forward to the SPL investigation that will blame Sean Batty for getting the weather forecast wrong and fining Rangers because they turned up. Of course, Neil and Murdoch will take the line(s) thrown by Gang Hutter, Kheredine Idessane as the basis for the investigation. John Nelms grasped at his fellow Bhoy's buoys :

You and your groundstaff have been here since five this morning forking the pitch?

Another thirty minutes and this pitch would be playable?

The last fixture was delayed for thirty minutes because Rangers arrived late(Kheredine fail failed to mention the crash on the Tay Bridge).

The last fixture saw a further twenty minute delay because of pyro' being ignited within the Rangers support(banged to rights on this one).

Kheredine did not confront John Nelms with information garnered from his interview with Philippe Clement :

Rangers only found out there was a problem after 09.30 hrs because the club kitman had arrived at Dens to see Nelms and groundstaff forking the pitch. He was told they had called a local Ref' to undertake a 10.15hrs inspection. 

The game was the only senior professional match in the UK postponed over the weekend.

Dens Park has hosted 16 league fixtures this season and four of them suffered postponement due to a waterlogged pitch.

I will save the SPL the time and expense. Neil and Murdoch will say exactly what Peter tells them to say, just like John Nelms. 

I would have given the award to Neil Warnock.

Thirty-three days of pure joy, facilitating the journey for the Dandies to arrive in the Championship. Neil should be able to sit down, feet up in the Dunoon Rangers supporters club with the award sitting proudly on the bar.