26th of foot

It's third time lucky and Dens Park gets the all clear to host tonight's match. Gang Hut productions hosted by 'Jonners' as in the diminutive Sutherland. He is joined by Liam McLeod to read out the teams but, is first asked about the state of the pitch? This is important because Dundee did not allow any TV presence at yesterday's pitch inspection. Anyways, Liam gives it thus : "the picture I'm painting of the Dens Park pitch is perfection". Meanwhile the Dundee PA system is pumping, the first three tracks are, Waterfront by Simple Minds, Raintown by Deacon Blue and, Don't Apologise by Kevin Gates. Jonners and Liam like it a lot.

Dundee 1 Rangers 2 FGS : Roofe.

Dens Park has finally passed a pitch inspection and the game in on, 20.00 hrs kick-off, Wednesday 17th April'24.

The longer a player is out injured, the better he becomes. However, two players with long term injuries are really hampering how the Gaffer wants the team to play. Cortes is a real miss, he provided balance and necessary width. Yesterday, Ryan Jack's positional sense would have nullified one or two of the attacks that ended in County goals. Further, he would have been available for the short balls that ensure possession is retained and we move forward in gradations.. Those lumps up to the opposition's eighteen yard line and players flooding forward in support killed us.

The first five minutes of the second half? It has been a lethargic, disjointed first half where we have been the beneficiaries of good fortune, mainly the own goal that puts us one up. We have created another three opportunities to stretch further ahead but spurn them. The second half begins with our kick off and, several seconds later Borna puts a raking diagonal straight out of play. During the next two minutes, we play a couple of balls on the edge of the County box, lose possession and on both occasions, County pick out a pass to central, forward player. He has time for a controlling touch, turns and, gets his head up to release a pass to breaking wide teammates. Three minutes later, the previous two instances are repeated and on these occasions, County put the ball in the back of our pokey twice. Those first five minutes of the second period epitomised our performance today. Ross County played with a discipline, structure and, an energy. Well done County on your first ever victory over Rangers, fully deserved.

Ross County 1 Rangers 3 FGS : Dessers.

RAB Cosgrove has just announced from within the PQ Gang Hut, "Ah'm eighty-five percent confident that the Dundee Rangers game will be moved to McDiarmid Park". RAB has rationalised the situation, "they huvtae make a decision on Tuesday, they cannae let it go until Wednesday". RAB is happy because, "St Johnstone will make some corn from SKY and, make some corn from hosting". Has RAB had a whisper from his old mucker, Murdoch MacLennan or, is he blowing it out his large arse as usual? The ticketing will prove interesting, how do the rows and numbers for Dens Park compare with McDiarmid? Further, do we want to move from the Dens waterlogged surface to the McDiarmid ploughed field?

In summary. After days of conjugation and deliberation the SPFL has concluded, 'to kick the can further down the road' but, not as far as a neutral playable pitch. Anyways, the decision is delayed until next Tuesday and if it rains again and the drainage does not improve, then we will take the decision as instructed by Peter. This has been a Shifty McGifty production.

Eric Drysdale is an SNP Councillor in Perth as well as being Dundee FC's Secretary. When Rangers issued the bullying dossier four years past, the three attack dogs named were Mike Mulraney of Alloa, John Nelms and, Eric Drysdale. Peter holds all their leads.

Dundee confirming their GREEN credentials.

This is the fifth time this season that a fixture has been postponed at Dens Park. In the last calendar month, Dens Park has hosted Aberdeen on the 13th March, postponed Rangers on the 17th March, hosted Motherwell after a pitch inspection on 6th April and, again postponed against Rangers today 10th April. Thus, a Premiership ground has been required to host four matches and the two against Rangers have been postponed. The SPFL Chief Executive is Neil Doncaster, the Chairman is Murdoch MacLennan(Shifty McGifty) and, the non-executive Director is Karyn McCluskey. The rest of the SPFL Executive Board reference the Premiership includes Malcolm McPherson(Hibs), James Bisgrove(Rangers) and, James MacDonald(Ross County). Twice the can has been kicked down the road and hoping Dens Park will be playable a week today given the above facts, is extremely optimistic. A decision is required from the SPFL Board. I seem to remember Hibs gained considerable traction with their, "enough is enough" statement. When does the SPFL Board consider enough is enough reference Rangers supporters? Another point worth remembering is that Dundee Chair, John Nelms conveniently lost and found an e-mail allowing Sellik to be awarded the Premiership with seven games to be played on the point of lockdown. Further, he blows Peter's cheese and Peter tells Neil and Shifty what and when to do.

We should sing : Dundee, Hamilton. Games Off. We go back. Again.

I hear Sellik demanded their pitch rain covers be returned today, replacing them with a sprinkler system. Dundee Chair, John Nelms wants to thank Peter personally, reminding him of his Head Bhoy status.

Applying the Collective Yahoo Shoulder. Really, it is most impressive. It is coordinated and organised to ensure maximum leverage is continually applied. Peter expects and the PQ Gang Hut is always anxious to be seen to be in a state of complete adherence. There is a lot of competition out there; the likes of Neil Doncaster, Murdoch MacLennan and Dundee Chair, John Nelms are addicted to Peter's tangy cheese. Advertise both the content and extent of foreplay available for the desired dismembered member. Last Tuesday, the Scottish Football podcast by Beeb Scotland had Susie McCabe as a guest. Susie is now an award winning comedienne thus she is funnier than a week in Methil. Susie revealed a fascination for the Kennedys particularly Bobby, "a real civil rights guy". Apparently, the Kennedys' ancestors experienced similarly to her own, "got on a boat to escape the great famine". Old Joe Kennedy was the man, US Ambassador to the Court of St James but we were not informed that Joe was recalled by President Roosevelt because his official dispatches were pro-Nazi and he confirmed such status when he had his daughter, Rosemary lobotomised. Susie does not want to share Champions League monies with Rangers. Wednesday saw Angela Haggerty on the Kay Adams show to talk about the Hate Crime law. As usual, Angela was allowed to sit extremely comfortably with her preferred prejudice. So much so, she also appeared as Shereen Nanjiani's guest on Saturday morning. Angela called it out again, she suffers from anti-catholic sectarianism and anti-Irish racism. The cause of Angela's grief was arrested, charged, tried and, convicted; he received a custodial sentence. Angela received justice; something she is not prepared to award others. Ally McCoist was asked for his views on the Hate Crime Law and he told of his intent to attend Ibrox with 50,000 other Rangers supporters and exercise rivalry. He did NOT mention singing songs and did NOT specify how he or, the other supporters would break the law. He was jumped upon and Angela enjoyed the pile on. Steven Bonnar MP rushed to suggest, "cheeky chappie Ally" was intent on singing the Billy Boys and being up to his knees in blood. Remember Steven the SNP MP who challenged his 75 year old Rangers supporting neighbour to a 'square go'? Angela's social media history is alarming, lots of references to H-u-ns, der Klan and, like Humza wanted Rangers players prosecuted/sacked because she needed to believe in the authenticity of a, "deep fake" soundtrack spliced on to a video. The Premiership win that stopped the ten was too much for Angela. Ally's words were too much for BBC Scotland's Chief Sports Writer, Tom English. Well, not really, it was more Steven Bonnar and Angela's interpretation of those words. Once again, they including Tom needed Ally's expressed sentiment to be something else. Tom believed Ally's revised decision to forego the game was due to his inability to sing the Billy Boys and wade knee deep in blood. Ally's unlikely savious was the bellend's bellend, Michael Stewart he replied to Tom twice, "he didn't say that". The next day, Tom retracted, "I went too far" but stopped short of an apology. Tom did not want to accompany Tam and RAB on the diversity training course. The bellend's bellend made up for it on Sunday whilst doing Sportscene co-commentary. He applied both shoulders and his bellend to the wheel. Peter demands it. Why did he leave Sellik TV?

Similarly, I sit on the half way line in Bar'72 and was immediately convinced Johnston's challenge was a penalty. Now, Chris Sutton was on the SKY TV gantry with several live feed monitors, saw it from all angles and concluded, "Silva is a cheat". He went further stating, "cheats should not be rewarded". Michael Stewart on BBC Scotland was also exasperated, "Alistair Johnston got the ball". However, what both Chris and Michael deliberately ignored was the ball slapping Canuck also carried through and kicked Silva on the knee. Chris Sutton and Michael Stewart are a pair of Cupid Stunts, they should get a room and cultivate their hate.

We sang : "you lost one game, won fcuk all".

Rangers 2 Celtic 1 FGS : Dessers.

McCoist has not spoken to BBC Scotland for a decade. This is because in an arranged sit down interview with James Cook at Ibrox, he was deliberately misrepresented. James Cook and his Producer apologised and admitted they had edited the footage to give the impression that McCoist had sniggered at a posed question on sectarianism. They took footage from earlier in the interview where McCoist was relating a humorous anecdote and deliberately spliced in in after the sectarianism question. BBC Scotland also apologised. James Cook's career received a real boost, he became BBC's USA Correspondent.

It is Friday evening news on BBC Scotland and Pat Nevin is on to preview Sunday's game at Ibrox. He is asked how does he think it will go? Pat raises his monobrow and states : "it's a massive old firm game on Sunday". He stops, blinks then continues : "or a Rangers versus Celtic game as everybody calls it now". Pat, why don't you just stick to the script PQ CSC provide?

J'Accuse Humza Yousaf. J'accuse was the title of an open letter penned by Author, Emile Zola in response to the events of the Dreyfus affair. Zola addressed the French President, Felix Faure in January 1898 and accused his government of antisemitism. The letter was published on the front page of the newspaper, L'Aurore and argued the sentencing of French Army Officer, Alfred Dreyfus to lifelong penal servitude for a trumped charge of espionage was deeply flawed, lacked serious evidence and, was vexatious. Zola pointed out the secret court martial that convicted and sentenced Dreyfus did not allow cross examination of evidence and the whole exercise was more an expression of comfortable French hatred for Jews than dealing with German espionage. I watched a Sky TV interview with Scotland's First Minister, Humza Yousaf last evening and he was specifically commenting upon the reaction to the newly created Hate Crime law, "It is not a huge surprise that when legislation is first introduced, there can sometimes be a flurry of vexatious complaints. We have seen that and I say to people don't make vexatious complaints. You should desist because what you are doing is wasting precious Police resource and time". It is only last month in another TV interview that Humza on being asked as to what he would prefer to be doing as opposed to First Minister, he answered, "Chairman of Celtic football club". On Tuesday, KC Thomas Ross took to a newspaper to predict vexatious complaints to Police Scotland in the wake of Sunday's Ibrox old firm match from a multitude of non attending Sellik fans. Will Humza's fellow Yahoos desist because they will not want to waste precious Police resource and time or, will they replicate Humza's behaviour after Steven Gerrard's Rangers won the Premiership title three years past? It was May 2021, Humza was Justice Minister and Rangers had received the league trophy at Ibrox. Lock down remained in force and the players in their strips hoisted the silverware, ran down the track to the cordoned gates to show their reward to the gathered supporters then, retired to the Blue Room to sing celebratory songs. A video emerged showing the players standing on tables in a hospitality lounge singing Sweet Caroline. The accompanying soundtrack was augmented with sectarian chants and the video went viral on social media. BBC Scotland latched on, they had an agenda and the usual suspects decided they needed the video to be real. The Justice Minister took to Twitter demanding Police action and the players involved be sacked by the club. Humza was strident, he had made up his mind that several Rangers players had indulged in anti-catholic chanting. He needed to believe that RCs such as Goldson, Aribo, Kent and, Defoe had been so conditioned by their existence at Ibrox that they would chant, 'fcuk the Pope'. It took Police Scotland two days of investigation to conclude the video soundtrack had been faked. The Justice Minister had been vexatious reference the players and continued even after Police Scotland had dismissed the fake evidence. Humza refused to apologise, claimed BBC Scotland had hounded him for comment then, switched attack to events in George Square. He compounded his prejudgement on the players before a proper Police inquiry by stating, "BBC Scotland were asking me to comment on the clip but that is not the point. The point is the clear anti-catholic, anti-Irish bigotry on display in George Square. As Justice Secretary I don't make an apology for calling it out and calling it what it is". The Justice Minister was comfortable that Rangers players be tried and found guilty by social media as opposed to a court of law. Humza was in good company in his failure to apologise, fellow Sellik supporter and SNP MSP, James Dornan was bold, "I have nothing to apologise for". 125 years ago, Zola's exile in the UK lasted several months before being cleared of libel. It took five years for Dreyfus to receive full justice. The French state awarded both men the Legion of Honour. Will Humza decide to be the bigger man?

I note Rio Ferdinand relating Roy Keane stating Michael Stewart, "you'll end up playing for a pub team, you'll play for the Swan". Sub Editors missed out on, 'Ugly Duckling turns out for the Swan' because Michael did not possess the footballing ability to make the Swan's first eleven.

I suspect I am included in the majority of Rangers supporters for this particular old firm game? Please Rangers, do not have me wondering after the game. Get after them all over the pitch, expend the necessary energy. Our bench is strong, substitutions can be made. Leave it all out on the pitch. After the game, I want to wallow in the warm waters of their always cheated, never defeated inevitable narrative.

I note Humza is now planning to introduce legislation to ensure all Scotland international football matches are free to air. Given recent circumstances, the right to view football Scot free should be allocated to Michael Matheson. Actually, it should be designated, 'the Matheson Bill'.

The Crown Bar, Bellshill are delighted with Peter's appointment of Brother Beaton. North Lanarkshire Council(aka Monklands Council) have reluctantly agreed to license the Crown Bar's newly constructed beer garden. The Crown Bar are taking VIP reservations for post match meet'n'greet with a limited number of photo opportunities of Brother Beaton presenting the SPFL Premiership trophy to Tav'.

The Great St Patrick's Day Mystery? It is over a fortnight since the designated day where we get to acknowledge/celebrate the life of a teenage Scot lifted by Irish pirates fifteen hundred years ago. Apparently, he banished snakes from the Emerald Isle and raised 33 folks from the dead. Believed to be the son of a Roman tax collector that travelled the length and breath of Britain, he could probably qualify for three different passports. St Patrick's life is as big a mystery as what occurred in PQ on the 17th March'24. RAB and Tam presented Off the Ball as normal on Saturday the 16th March'24, even told us the next day's guest was Author, Christopher Brookmyer. You may remember the Sunday, Dundee were due to host Rangers in an SPFL Premiership match. The Dark blues Chair, John Nelms had been forking the pitch since five that morning but to no avail, Dens Park was deemed unplayable for the fourth time this season. Off the Ball was scheduled for a three O'Clock start but, was brought forward and aired between two and four O'Clock presented by Ray Bradshaw and Stephen Reside. Where were RAB and Tam? In new, modern Scotland; transparency is most important and the listeners are always told in advance of changes. The ensuing episodes will have numerous references to holidays, illness and, other work commitments. Thirty years of constant hosting has conditioned them on the ongoing importance of securing and promoting their more lucrative side earnings. There has been no explanation as to why both of them performed an Agatha Christie like disappearance. I doubt they were holed up in a Harrogate Spa hotel? Tam has school fees for his daughter thus, if he preferred to take a wedge for hosting/doing the MC for some middle class St Paddy's function, I am sure the listeners will understand. RAB's uber Scots nationalism has a rival, his obsession with Ireland means he does not allow Twinnings Tea in the house. The good friends of the show ie Gerry Braiden, Kevin McKenna, Angela Haggerty, Susie McCabe, ......... etc and, the other ie License Fee payers will understand if RAB wants to cement his place in the new establishment ie a good position at the overflowing trough. Plastic Paddydom demands obedience. Could the mystery have a more simple answer? The following weekend, RAB was flying solo because we were told Tam had man-flu. RAB shared the show with Susie McCabe, Paul English and, Stephen O'Donnell. It is a Sellik State of Mind. This weekend, RAB is off on his Easter break and Tam has sahred presenting with Ray Bradshaw. Lots of man-flu references have been over egging. Could it be that both having been found in breach of standards, the St Patrick's vanishing act is a euphemism for the necessary diversity training? Remember, when the Irish ladies team won at Hampden last year and were caught on film giving it the full IRA karaoke in the national stadium's dressing room? RAB enacted a euphemism, wondering why all the fuss including a full apology from the FAI when he said, "all they did was sing Paddy McGinty's goat". As for the great St Patrick's day mystery, why both were posted missing? Silence is compliance, we should be told.