26th of foot

"Naive Celtic need to learn from the masters of the dark arts".

Above is the headline from today's Herald. There is a struggle to come to terms with Tuesday evening's Champions League skelping in Madrid. The Journo penning the piece is Graeme McGarry, the Herald's current Senior Sports Writer; recently before his designation was, Senior Celtic Writer. Graeme is a growing group of obsessive scarred Journos attending weekly self help meetings. However the group hugs(should that be Huddle) are not enough, you have to write Sellik View pysh to attain a tad more comfort. Anyways, below are the first two paragraphs, any further exposure will have you searching for your own self help groupings.

"If you are going to get a lesson in the dark arts of football, then you may as well get it from the masters. Atletico Madrid's jaw dropping Estadio Municipal could well be the Harvard of football's dirty tricks, and how to deploy them while testing the boundaries of the rulebook.

Certainly, there was more than a whiff of orchestration about the way the entire Atletico bench sprung up in unison when Celtic winger, Daizen Maeda went in late to a challenge with their defender, Mario Hermoso, and how they then crowded referee, Ivan Kruzliak to keep the pressure on him as he reviewed the incident on the VAR screen".

Graeme let me remind you of the final result : Atletico 6(SIX) Sellik 0.

The only dark arts are allowing Kevin McKenna to whisper whilst he sticks his tongue in your ear.

The Jolly Bhoys' Outing.

Madrid in the second week of December is most attractive and the PQ Gang Hut have been rubbing their hands at the prospect since the Champions League group stage draw. Tapas and vino veritas is just the very rub. Of course, only those that are up to date in their sub' contributions need apply for a seat on the Beeb CS bus. Leaving from PQ and, pick ups at the Admiral Bar and Candleriggs. 

In the Spanish capital since Sunday night, both Sheelagh McLaren and Martin Dowden did traveling supporters VoxPops for Monday and Tuesday lunchtime and evening TV news. James McFadden and Liam McLeod did Brendan's presser and Monday evening training at the Atletico stadium. Tuesday night saw the same pair do the match commentary. In the studio were Big Dick, Aiden McGeady and, the current unwelcome Tom English. Post game, the consensus was the plucky purveyors of cavalier football were unjustly undone by Masonic VAR. Aiden was particularly upset. 

We can only assume Pat Bonner and Chris McLaughlin missed the bus?

The game finished Atletico 6 Sellik 0. Thus, there were no mentions of the result in Wednesday morning, lunch or, evening bulletins. No supporters VoxPops either. An admiral decision or more probably an Admiral Bar decision? Wednesday night and former Sellik TV employee, Michael Stewart brought much needed gravitas to the situation. He told the listenership that Sellik were deserving of six points from their two Champions League home fixtures against Lazio and Atletico. Further, only one of the red cards in Rotterdam was correct and last night's red card for the Bushido Warrior was also a travesty.

There you have it, the Jolly Bhoys have decreed Sellik have at least seven or maybe nine Champions League points and do not forget the bonus three points for hitting the post against Real Madrid last season. The next stop is Rome where Connie McLaughlin, Amy Canavan and, Sheelagh McLaren will perform a re-enactment of, 'Three Bhints in a Fountain'. 

I wonder who won the bus sweep?

19 minutes ago, alexscottislegend said:

What? No homosexual dwarfs? 

Minefield mate.

You know six out of seven dwarfs are not Happy.

We live in the best of times, we live in the worst of times. It is an age of wisdom, it is an age of foolishness. It is an epoch of belief, it is an epoch of incredulity. It is the season of light, it is the season of darkness. It is the spring of hope, it is the winter of despair. 

Whatever your preferred prejudice, we must acknowledge these are woke times. ViaPlay are to be congratulated in covering the entire spectrum of inclusivity and diversity. Yesterday's panel for the Scottish League Cup semi-final between Hearts and Rangers had it all. The panel assembled for broadcast covered all the bases, it was :

Marvin Bartley - black.

Alan Hutton -white.

Emma Dodds - Lesbian.

Michael Stewart - complete and utter ginger cnut.

It is the way ahead.

8 minutes ago, CammyF said:

That would be the ideal scenario, but unlikely! I'm sure all 4 groups will have them as they'll be attempting to out-do each other. 

 

When it's come to displays, the UBs are well ahead of other Scottish groups. The pyros on the Clydeside will take a lot of beating.  

The Union Bears pyro display on both banks of the River Clyde in the wake of our 55th title cannot be beaten. Glasgow's tourist bureau should utilise the scenes in their foreign presentations. Having organised and presented the best, I would prefer in the sprit of Ultra competition they would refrain from future attempts within stadiums. The Union Bears should welcome the chase.

As attempted in the original post, Rangers supporters come to the party and the pile on begins and continues unfettered. The Ultras culture includes many military characteristics; unity, discipline, orders, ....... and uniform. The Union Bears support the club thus the smart move would be to refrain this weekend and allow the Hearts, Hibs and Aberdeen Ultras to fill the vacuum. It is a win-win for all Rangers supporters, do the Union Bears have the discipline and tactical nous?

Ultras, a culture that has spread right across the game. Chant and response, constant drumming and, a multitude of flags combine with a choreography of Tifo, flares and, coloured smoke discharge. The sum of the parts results in a presentation of fanaticism. In Scotland the culture has been growing these last twenty years and in this last month has culminated in ra Sellik's Green Brigade grabbing headlines for political posturing whilst our own Union Bears have exhibited pyromania. The chant is, 'No Pyro, no party'.

Last night's events at Dens Park saw the Union Bears exacerbate a situation of delayed kick off. The start was already forty-five minutes late when after two minutes of play the Referee ordered both sets of players from the field for a further eighteen minutes. The halt to play was caused by the Rangers away support in the Bob Shankly stand igniting dozens of flares. White light quickly led to obscuration on a near windless evening. The game and the party fizzled out at nearly eleven O'Clock.

The flames surrounding the Green Brigade these last few weeks proved too hot for many. The silence was deafening from numerous politicians, the national broadcaster, Police Scotland despite the Pig Watch banners and, the Scottish Government. One must admire the patient discipline on display as the wait for the approved line/narrative continued. Playing with Peter's fire leads to collective fingers being burnt.

Illumination on the silvery Tay sparks a pile on. Last night and today we have had statements from the Dundee CEO, the Dundee manager, Police Scotland, the Scottish Fire and Rescue Service, the Scottish Government and, a multitude of commentary from the national broadcaster at PQ. Moths are attracted to the Rangers inspired flame knowing there is no threat to a single wing being cinched. We await the Rangers statement.

I suspect last night's flare up has united those that relish kicking our club and support?

Go back twenty-five years and the Glasgow Herald was considered a decent blatt. It had been providing a news service to west, central Scotland for in excess of two hundred years. As the millennium approached, it's Editor was Aberdeen supporting Harry Reid and it's daily circulation was 120,000. The mixture of local news, national and international news combined with varied witty and incisive Columnists gave it's readership what it wanted. The necessary robust Editorials and vibrant correspondence pages took the readership to places of discomfort. The Glasgow Herald was a successful broad sheet newspaper.

Now, my fellow Gersnetters will correctly note the millennium was the tipping point for newspaper sales, it has been a downward trend ever since. However, Harry Reid was replaced by old Etonian, Mark Douglas Home in the year 2000 and, the Herald spiralled into an accelerated slump. Douglas Home appointed two Deputy Editors, former Celtic View Editor, Kevin McKenna and soon to be SNP MSP, Joan McAlpine. The Columnists hired highlighted nepotism, the Editor's wife, west Belfast born and bred, Colette Douglas Home, preferred prejudice in Ewing Grahame and, the useful idiot, Graham Spiers. Five short years later the circulation had diminished by two thirds to under 40,000.

Today, the circulation hovers around 12,000. The chief Columnist is Kevin Mckenna and being a product of his conditioning he pens articles reference his obsessions. The man who founded his own amateur football team at Glasgow University, 'the Vatican Strollers', the man who was allowed to resign the Editorship of the Celtic View after saying, "the IRA bombing of the Enniskillen Remembrance service was a legitimate act of war" and, the man who Nicola Sturgeon proclaimed, "the poster boy for Scottish Independence" has spent a quarter of a century moulding what is left into his own image. This year the Herald rescued the career of Gabriel McKay - he wrote when seeing the late Queen opening the Commonwealth Games at Celtic Park, "where are the IRA when you need them"? Kevin's charity has extended to Angela Haggerty, accepting an invitation to be her son's Godfather.

The Godfather has overseen today's sub-editor headline, "Celtic had to lock out the Green Brigade before Glasgow City Council closed down Parkhead". 

The headline travels across an entire spectrum and concludes with the fantasy of Glasgow City Council contemplating closure of ra Stade de Gadd - the morons' oxymoron.