New SFA, SPL & SFL proposals for Rangers leaked

[Zappa 0]

An unnamed source inside the SFA corridors at Hampden has today revealed a stunning new list of proposals designed to help rescue Scottish football from it's current crisis & turmoil, while punishing Rangers on the grounds of "sporting integrity".

 

According to the source, these new proposals have been drawn up at top-secret meetings by SFA Chief Executive Stewart Regan in cooperation with the SPL & SFL boards including representatives from key and highly influential member clubs.

 

Apparently Rangers weren't invited to the top secret meetings, so no doubt Charles Green & Co will be shocked when they read these new proposals which will be discussed further at Hampden this week.

 

The source has said that Regan and the others responsible for the new proposals feel very strongly about sporting integrity in Scottish football and are adamant that their comprehensive ideas will be welcomed as a show of not only strength, but of sporting integrity and fairness.

 

Having read through this list of leaked proposals today and taken time to contemplate their implications to Rangers and the Scottish game as a whole, I have to say that I think they are a stroke of genius which will be backed unanimously.

 

It must have been tremendously difficult to design a set of proposals which will please everyone from club chairmen to fans across the country, but I think Stewart Regan and those with his ear might just have hit the nail on the head with these comprehensive sanctions for Rangers.

 

The first and probably most brilliant proposal of them all is to create a new 4th Division below the existing bottom tier. Apparently this concept evolved naturally as a consequence of a majority of SPL & SFL clubs feeling that in order for sporting integrity to be upheld, allowing Rangers to play in the 3rd Division would be too lenient.

 

The proposed new 4th Division though, will provide Rangers with ample punishment regarding their league status and the opportunity to rebuild from the bottom up without any possible backlash from existing member clubs. When asked which teams were being proposed to join Rangers in this new league, the source said that Mr. Regan is "consulting with key stakeholders" for ideas and is "still working on it".

 

The second proposal in what they're seemingly calling "operation newco" at the top secret meetings is a multiple choice option. The attendees will be asked to vote on one of three options. Option 1 is that Rangers will have to play with goalposts which are one meter wider apart. Option 2 is that Rangers will have to play with a goal crossbar which is half a meter higher and option 3 is that Rangers will have to field a goalkeeper no taller than 4 feet 6 inches.

 

When asked how this would work with the change of ends at half time, the source revealed that new adjustable goals for installation at all 4th Division grounds are already in production because it's thought that very few clubs will vote for option 3 on account of short goalkeepers being very rare above U13 youth level. Despite that pitfall, Regan supposedly insists that option 3 is a valid and fair option.

 

The third proposal is that Rangers only be allowed to field 9 men in competitive matches as opposed to the 11 their opponents will be able to field. Apparently several clubs who are long-standing friends of Rangers were opposed to this proposal when it was discussed at the last operation newco meeting. According to the source, the clubs in opposition felt that 9 men was too many. Some were pushing for 7 and some were pushing for 8. Stewart Regan put his foot down on this one though and said that 9 men would be fair if sporting integrity were to be upheld.

 

The fourth proposal is that Rangers will be banned from signing players over the age of 14 for a period of twenty years. This proposal supposedly prompted the operation newco attendees to whoop & cheer. Apparently John Yorkston of Dunfermline Athletic broke out a hip flask of brandy and passed it around at which point Mr Regan called through to his secretary and asked her to bring in the shampers & beluga caviar. This was a very popular proposal and is expected to be passed unanimously on the grounds of sporting integrity.

 

All in all I think these proposals are excellent. I've spoken to a number of Rangers fans this afternoon who've been advocates of us moving down to the third division and they too think the proposals are excellent, saying "we wanted to go to the third division in the name of sporting integrity, but if the SFA can create a 4th division, that's even better" and "I love the idea of having to play with a wee goalie, brilliant!". Another fan said "developing our youths is the future for the club and the over 14 signing ban will help us".

Edited July 9, 2012 by Zappa
typos

[der Berliner 3,254]

I laughed ... but only after a while.

[GovanAllan 0]

LOL, Probably not that far from the truth Zappa.

[GovanAllan 0]

I laughed ... but only after a while.

 

Same here DB got as far as the goalposts getting angrier and angrier.

[amms 0]

I'd still fancy us for second place in the SPL though.

[Blue Moon 1,113]

That is below the belt. I too got to the goal posts but got suckered by the Fourth Division, only because I wouldn't put it past them. Now where did I put those blood pressure tablets....

[craig 5,199]

Tell Coisty to call me if he needs that keeper position filled

[TheWeeBlueDevil 0]

Div 4 had me fuming :fuming:

 

Then the penny dropped.

 

 

Thanks for that Zappa :grin:

[Jim1955 12]

I fell for the Fourth Division malarkey as well. There was some discussion elsewhere a few weeks ago on a possible connection between stress and dementia, well I'm getting demented with this stress.

[andrew_2010 0]

Surprised they were ok with the full nine men, I mean look what happened vs St mirren!!