Tom English: Ibrox is now an Odditorium

[ian1964 10,448]

Published on 26/05/2013 00:00

 

ON FRIDAY evening, we sat at Wembley waiting for Jupp Heynckes and Jürgen Klopp, two reporters from Scottish newspapers amid the hundreds from Germany and wider Europe.

 

There was a buzz, as youâ??d expect. There was an unmissable sense that you were at the heart of something special, something many worlds away from what you were used to.

 

In a self-mocking way, we decided to run through a list of questions we could ask Heynckes and Klopp when they arrived â?? and not just them either. Soon weâ??d be joined by Philipp Lahm and Thomas Müller of Bayern and later by Mats Hummels and Sebastian Kehl of Dortmund. So much glamour and so many things to quiz them on.

 

â??Wonder what they make of Duff and Phelps being cleared on the conflict of interest?â?

 

â??Aye, and the Malcolm Murray videoâ?¦â?

 

â??We should ask them about all these leaks coming out of Ibroxâ?¦â?

 

â??Definitely. And Pinsent Masonsâ?¦â?

 

â??You go firstâ?¦â?

 

â??No, after you.â?

 

This is the world we live in from one end of the year to the next. We talk more and more about the politics and the poison of football in Scotland â?? or in a particular corner of Glasgow â?? and less and less about what happens on the field. We talk about dirty wars at Rangers, about leaks and back-stabbing and investigations by forensic accountancy firms and top London lawyers, we talk about the Insolvency Practitioners Association and the Upper Tax Tribunal, we talk about secret recordings and redacted documents, we talk about five-way agreements and Armageddon and whether the Rangers investigation into the links between the blusterer Charles Green and the liar Craig Whyte should be taken as fact or whether the SFA need to step in and conduct their own probe (which they do, by the way). We look at the pitiful state of the club and consider those supposedly lining up to save it. A convicted fraudster and a man in South Africa who is still on the hook with the National Prosecuting Authority for more than 300 criminal charges relating to his business practices, charges he thoroughly rejects but which have not gone away.

 

Already I can hear some of my social media chums rising up in anger about â??the Rangers saga putting food on your tableâ?, already I can feel myself getting sucked back into the vortex of Scottish football from my current spot, a café in Westminster on Saturday afternoon, with Dortmund fans on my right and Bayern fans on my left and the feeling of positivity and excitement that hangs in the air above them all.

 

Letâ??s be clear. Life in the vortex is fine. Itâ??s compelling at times. The bewildering mess that Rangers have become is fascinating and almost impossible to ignore.

 

This space has been full of Rangers-related columns over the last 18 months. They are not the only show in town but they are a show the like of which we have never seen before.

 

With a various cast of unscrupulous characters, they have become a bit of a freak show behind the scenes. Ibrox is now an Odditorium, Scottish footballâ??s equivalent of the place where Wang the Human Unicorn and Ella the Camel Girl used to draw big crowds who stood and gaped at the ridiculous spectacle in front of them.

 

Itâ??s hard not to do the same with Rangers. But then you leave the vortex for a week and enter normal footballing society and it all seems even weirder than before.

 

At this very minute, I am writing amid a group of German football fans who are having normal conversations about normal things in the game.

 

Nobody is talking about insolvency practitioners or forensic accountants or shysters. One group â?? mercifully talking in English so that nosey parkers like myself can listen in â?? are talking about the potentially devastating consequences of Mario Götze being unavailable for the final later in the evening and how such a huge burden now falls on Marco Reus to service the lethal Robert Lewandowski. They are asking how can Reus, a huge talent and still only 23 years old, be expected to get the better of those two â??bastardsâ? (said in humour) Bastian Schweinsteiger and Javi Martinez? These Dortmund fans are heading for Wembley more in hope than expectation. They are slightly concerned about Marcel Schmelzerâ??s vulnerability and what Arjen Robben might do to him. That said, where there is Klopp there is faith. Theyâ??re happy to be here. Thrilled and honoured.

 

On the other side of the bench sit Bayern, clearly believing that they are going to win but not arrogant enough to think that itâ??s a formality.

 

What are the issues? Well, there is the lost Champions League final of 2012 and the lost Champions League final of 2010 and the fact that the last time these two sides met in a final, Dortmund annihilated them 5-2.

 

That was last season, though. Much has changed in a season. Thatâ??s where their comfort comes from. From all the records theyâ??ve broken. From the four games â?? two victories and two draws â?? theyâ??ve played against Dortmund since the German Cup final in August. From their feeling that for all the years theyâ??ve been supporting Bayern they have never seen a team as complete as this one.

 

On Friday, Müller said he could not see a weakness in this Bayern side and neither can these fans sitting in a café in central London.

 

Football people and football chat. Itâ??ll never catch on in Scotland.

 

Letâ??s not be hypocritical here. The madness of the Scottish game can be riveting in a kind of black comedy type way. Thatâ??s why we scribble about it and talk about it endlessly.

 

To be in London this past week, though, was to live in a parallel world, a place where football means football and not administrators and insolvency experts and lawyers and accountants and spivs and venomous chancers.

 

Itâ??s been real. Tomorrow, itâ??s back to the vortex.

 

http://www.scotsman.com/scotland-on-sunday/opinion/comment/tom-english-ibrox-is-now-an-odditorium-1-2944851

[Blue Moon 1,118]

I am getting tired of reading this guys malevolent digs at Rangers.

[ian1964 10,448]

I am getting tired of reading this guys malevolent digs at Rangers.

 

Even on the night of the CL final all he wants to write/talk about is Rangers.....................quite sad really

[Ser Barristan Selmy 222]

He is utterly obsessed

[der Berliner 3,287]

The bewildering mess that Rangers have become is fascinating and almost impossible to ignore.

 

In essence, Rangers have some internal problems, a boardroom struggle that apparently has no effect on e.g. the club's signing strategy. All that it does is giving trolls like English a chance to salivate over it like it is a world shaking event, hoping to gather as much attention to his ilk as the administration did. Thus, they disect any word that come out of the club and make a story of it. It must be a poor man's life being a journalist in Scotland. Then again, perhaps it feels good with the Green pound in the purse ...

 

Nobody is talking about insolvency practitioners or forensic accountants or shysters. One group Рmercifully talking in English so that nosey parkers like myself can listen in Рare talking about the potentially devastating consequences of Mario G̦tze being unavailable for the final later in the evening ...

 

Ahem ... Dortmund fans talking English to one another?

[aweebluesoandso 290]

Not much of a mention about the football in London, probably because football it's not his favorite subject.

[Anchorman 0]

I'm sorry but if you live in a deprived environment, and you are suddenly whisked off to the Bahamas for a break, the last thing you want to do is write or talk about the deprivation you just came from. This latest piece of garbage was just another spoonful out of his ego\obsession soup.

[Tom Davison 0]

If Tom English is fed up commenting on the Rangers situation, why doesn't he leave Scotland and give others the benefit of his insight and journalistic skills? After all, the readership of the newspapers that employ him is both modest and declining. His reason for soldiering on in an environment that he finds so tedious may be that no alternative demand for his services exist.

[Calgacus 8]

Why is someone who works for a local paper in Edinburgh writing about Rangers on the day that an Edinburgh team is playing in a cup final - weird or what?

[RANGERRAB 3,299]

Why is someone who works for a local paper in Edinburgh writing about Rangers on the day that an Edinburgh team is playing in a cup final - weird or what?

 

Because there's only one show in town. They all know it but won't admit it.