26th of foot

Doing the Broony. We have entered League Cup final week, both Rangers and Aberdeen each have a Euro' fixture to complete before Sunday at Hampden. The Dandies are at home to Eintracht Frankfurt with a 17.45 hrs kick off. Rangers travel to Seville to face Real Betis with a 20.00 hrs start time. Thus, the Dons will be loused and ready for bed by the time we endure a couple of hours hard graft folllow followed by a four plus hour flight back to Glasgow. Friday will be a right off and Saturday will be a walk around Auchenhowie before a loosening game of fives. Raising the Scottish coefficient alone is arduous. Of course, neither the broadcast or the print media mention this because Scotland's other two representatives in Euro' football are facing ,'Dead Rubbers'. The PQ Gang Hut have already chorused, "Barry can field any side he wants" or in other words, 'fcuk the coefficient'. Such a dearly held principle during Pedro's tenure too? There is a continuing preparation for the final and it is the constant reminder on Rangers and penalties. If only opposition defenders would refrain from grasping and holding Rangers players jerseys in the penalty box. Today, it is Scott Brown's turn not to have an original thought. He has been reminded Rangers have not conceded a penalty since he retired. The Lego chewer concludes, "Aberdeen have no chance of a penalty on Sunday". Anesthetised by the taste of Danish plastic, Scott conveniently forgets ie no one told him, that Rangers have had two penalties awarded against them in this year's League Cup. Surely, that is more relevant and how many have Aberdeen conceded in this season's competition? There are only five sleeps to go, let us hope Referee, Don Robertson gets the message. It is not for want of trying.

The club should claim mistaken identity. I sit on the half way line and I saw Sam Lammers attempt that tackle. Do I have a witness?

That was the Week that was. The SFA organise a ticket shambles for those intending to attend Germany next summer for the Euros, even managed to get the dates of two games wrong in their blurb. Have Aberdeen sold their cup final allocation? Sellik are defeated for the second time this season by Killie at Rugby Park. I could go on, what did RAB Cosgrove and Tam the Token fixate upon over the weekend? They finished their show by spinning a record dedicated to Rangers player, Todd Cantwell. It was a 1983 track from Culture Club's Kissing to be Clever album, 'I'll tumble 4 ya'. Rangers must be participating in a final this week.

Would Killie's Danny Armstrong add to our right side going forward? Anytime I have watched the lad he has been impressive including the game last season when he saw red against us at Rugby Park. Would he be another Jordan Jones?

I am not here to share my opinions. I have set in stone principles and if you disagree, I have a few others you may like?

He was looking all around, desperate to hail a passing Taxi.

Rangers 3 Dundee 1 FGS : Sima.

Hearts could emerge victorious from Pittodrie this coming Saturday. If so, will the narrative change to will Robson get the cup final? Could the Dandies emulate Hibs, ie removing Jack Ross from the Easter Road hotseat the week before the League Cup final?

Paying the Penalty. Ten sleeps until Hampden and last nights league games have provided another few threads to the cup final tapestry. BBC Scotland's second Dandy, Liam McLeod began his pre-match ramble with, "This is Hearts - Rangers third meeting in five and a half weeks, the first at Ibrox appeared to be a comfortable Hearts victory until the controversial award of that injury time penalty to Rangers ................... ". Like Big Dick Gordon, Liam is intent upon maintaining pressure on the appointed match officials. Three games in a row and no penalty award to Rangers. Liam was too exasperated during the last fifteen minutes of his match commentary from Tynecastle to mention Sellik being awarded their ninth penalty of the season against Hibs. Liam was concentrating so hard, willing the Jambos to equalise that the news of Killie's winner at Pittodrie was a barely whispered interruption. What advice will Liam offer Big Dick reference the penning of his next Aberdeen P and J column? The penalty being paid by Aberdeen for a 0-1 defeat by Killie is they are second bottom of the table on 13 points and have a goal difference of minus nine. A third of their points total and over a quarter of goals scored have come in their two games against Rangers. Aberdeen players and staff are cheating the Dons supporters because the stats reveal they only raise an effort when confronted by Rangers. Perhaps Liam and Big Dick could expend more effort quantifying their specific hatred this week in the P and J?

Our passing throughout the first half has traveled the spectrum from ragged to sloppy. Danilo, we have found him once and he failed to finish. Danilo's movement dropping deeper, gave Tav' the room and time for the pass to Sima for our goal.

Hearts 1 Rangers 2 FGS : Lawrence.

Do not concede, score first and, everything is okey dokey. Oh and avoid injuries too.

Match Officials announced : Referee : Don Robertson. AR1 : Daniel McFarlane. AR2 : Ross MacLeod. Fourth Official : David Munro. VAR : Andrew Dallas. AVAR : Andrew McWilliam.

Good. We can sell one Ross McCausland for decent dosh and keep the other one.

Sounds like he was a victim of nepotism.

"Ahm no a buftie".

Watching that video, I can only assume Brahim is intent upon becoming the Member for Fairy Dell.

Since Lockdown, I am conditioned to presenting my credit card thus cannot say with accuracy the price of a pint. A Howf in deepest, darkest Lanarkshire would be charging circa £4 a pint of lager(Tennents), Heavy would be 20 pence more. My local takes £4.70 for Heverlee. Bar'72 has been a cashless bar these last two seasons, credit card only.

You'll need a seat in Bar'72 when you find out a pint of Heverlee is £5.70.

Big Dick was the AmDram Quine of Fintry for thirty years. A trendy thespian ready to give it lots of pathos whilst delivering Rangers hating lines.

"I was brought up to absolutely hate Rangers". Above is the opening line spoken by Richard Gordon in his BBC Radio Scotland biopic' first broadcast nearly two decades past. Richard has spent the last twenty years flashing those very credentials. Last season he was appointed Cove Rangers PRO, moved back to his native Aberdeen and, took up a weekly column in the Aberdeen Press and Journal. We know he writes exclusively for a group of fans when visiting Sellik Park sing, 'we hate Rangers more than you' and the separated brethren show their appraisal by applauding. Today's column for the P and J is part of the League Cup final build up. Less than a fortnight to go and both clubs have played another two games, one in Euro' competition and a League fixture each. Aberdeen drew 2-2 in Helsinki and lost 2-0 at Easter Road whereas, Rangers drew 1-1 with Limassol and defeated St Mirren 2-0. The great Masonic conspiracy failed us again, no penalty awarded in either game. It is good to know the Grand Wizard like Barry Robson is continually obsessed with the aesthetics of the Scottish game. Further, a glance at the current league table would add greatly to the charge Aberdeen only raise their game against Rangers. The Dandies are three points ahead of bottom club, Livi'; their four points gained from two games against us keep them from the base. Of course, the difference at the top between ourselves and ra green'ngrey hooped horrors is effectively five points and that is the number we have surrendered to the Dons. There is considerable scope in this information for an interested columnist. The cup final is approaching fast and with hatred in his heart, the Cove Rangers PRO decided to go with, 'Penalty Rangers'. Big Dick has accrued his own empirical evidence, applied kai squared analysis and, t-test for fit. His conclusion is Rangers are beneficiaries of a bias or, I suppose it was so much easier when Wullie Miller refereed all Aberdeen games. Bias is a most strong word but do not expect Richard to name the officials affected by it. Similarly, since the penalties awarded stats prove Sellik to be the greater beneficiaries, penalties conceded is this week's and next week's trend. Richard expresses disbelief that Rangers have survived a league season without conceding a penalty, "not a single Rangers player committed a foul inside their own eighteen yard box". He lists the penalties awarded against us in Euro' games and deems those an expected stat' those conceded in domestic cup games are not all specified because they run a bit of interference on his preferred narrative. The one stat not mentioned is that another Scottish club has survived an entire season without conceding a penalty and, Sellik have achieved that stat' twice. Still, it is a bit awkward to type whilst Peter is stuffing his dick down your thorax. Dick's bias is to place firm pressure on the final officials and in doing so he deliberately omitted the most relevant stat' ie in this year's league cup, Rangers have played three games and conceded penalties in two of them, against Morton and Hearts.

Returning from yesterday's game in the car, a couple of mates and myself had a discussion on the similarities between Sima and Sakala. Both players take you up the park, both players commit opposition defenders and, both have an end product. I like both players for reasons outlined and I know Sima has notched a dozen goals in a misfiring team but, I prefer Sakala because he always got the shot off. I was not always enamoured with the destination of said shot.

Rangers 2 St Mirren 0 FGS : Danilo.

I believe in Scotland the Marquis of Melton Mowbray prefers his other monikor, 'Lord Pork Pie'. Of course the ultimate test of etiquette must be applied : do you cut your stilton with a knife or do you prefer a spoon?

Are we allocating designations? I bags, 'Ayatolla of Gorgonzola'. Love a bit of blue cheese.