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Big Dick's state of Tumescence. France is not far away, but it is far enough to find yourself behind the curve. Last weekend's Scottish football arrived courtesy of an internet link. I hesitated to muse aloud on PQ's workings, I mean I do not have a full picture. It's more a snatch of commentary, pieces of opinion, and it can arrive in burst transmission. However, I rationalised it, it is exactly the service BBC Scotland provides to us, the Rangers support. Their latest strap line, "from the first whistle until the last" means jack-shit to the Bears, we get a different Bozo every other week sitting on the naughty step, watching RTV. PQ prefer to call it, "being right across events at Ibrox? Thus, broadcasting from where the sunshine spends the winter, Radio Qui Donne un Baiser Volant dit .......................................... The Dandies begin their footballing week on the plastic at Livi', Big Dick knows the next three games will go a long way to defining his favourites' season. He is bullish and is encouraged when Aberdeen score an early scrappy goal. Livi' create several opportunities to at least equalise, but squander everyone. Injury time sees a penalty award to the Dons No questions, Cosgrove scythed down, get's up, and dispatches the spot kick. A triumphalist Big Dick echoes Derek's post match comments, "Aberdeen are finding new ways to win". Big Dick is standing free, he is proud and confident, swollen with pride. No demand to view the Spaghettiad happenings on Sportscene. The next day, Rangers are visitors to McDairmid Park, and Big Dick's rush of blood has gone to his head. Inspired by a goalless first half, Big Dick voices the opinion that Saints have enjoyed the better of the limited chances. St Johnstone's firm grip on the match was akin to Big Dick's grip on his dismembered member, "perhaps Rangers exertions against Feyenoord are having an effect"? Handing back to the commentary team at the beginning of the second half, Big Dick posed the question, "Can Rangers find an answer in the second half"? Of course, Rangers ran in four goals, Alfredo providing a part of the answer inside the opening minute of the second forty-five. There were two contentious decisions, a clear hand ball by a Saints defender inside his penalty box, a penalty not awarded. The other was Defoe's second and Rangers fourth goal, he was offside, not flagged. Big Dick inflated sense of his own importance took over, it was like watching Morelos of last season. Big Dick imbued with the energy of a new born giraffe, decided to become a thruster. He rhymed off a well rehearsed speech about refereeing decisions familiar to smaller clubs when playing Rangers. He noted Saints were denied a clear goal, he saw the ball cross the line He had no doubts, and, "tonight's Sportscene will prove it". Big Dick failed to mention the Saints hand ball, but threw in Defoe being offside; it will add to the home side's sense of legitimate grievance. Sportscene arrived. It showed Cosgrove was outside the Livi' box, and it was his foot that tangled with the Livi' defender, verdict no penalty. Further, all three Amigos congratulated the Referee and Linesman for getting the goal line clearance by Steve Davis absolutely correct. Defoe was offside, but an injury time fourth goal had no effect on the result. The Rangers penalty claim was shown, but not examined. See Big Dick, what a prick? Big Dick fails to raise a Semi. We move to midweek, it's Scottish League Cup quarter-final night. Aberdeen are at Tynecastle and Rangers are skating on Livi's plastic. Big Dick is cock-a-hoop, Aberdeen are the beneficiaries of two penalties, Cosgrove, the goal machine buries both. Rangers are the beneficiary of an early deflected goal by Kamara. Livi' shell the ball into the Rangers box from all angles and we live on our nerves. Joe Aribo is elbowed and receives 20 stitches to his head. We have had several chances to tie up the tie, but we manage to squander all. Going into the final moments, PQ are hopeful of a deserved Livi' leveler, "Livingston are asking all the right questions of Rangers soft central defence". Big Dick's calm tones reflect smooth waters ebbing at Tynie, then Craig Halkett(former Rangers youth player) equalises and takes the tie to penalties. Rangers qualifying for the semi-finals is an after thought; but no worries, the goal machine will see the Dandies into the last four. Cosgrove skys the Reds first post match penalty, two other Dons players copy that, and Big Dick is clawing for the Viagra. It sounded as if Big Dick was having a hard time, keeping his pecker up. It was despondent Big Dick desperately clutching Wullie(Miller) for comfort. Of course, Big Dick could take comfort in that H-u-n, Joe Aribo with twenty stitches in a head wound and no red card. I don't know if Big Dick allows Rangers a sense of grievance? Flacid Big Dick. The footballing week culminated at Ibrox. An early evening ferry crossing and several hour drive was my foreplay to sitting erect awaiting kick-off. PQ had Rob McLean on the naughty step, Big Dick was in the darkened room with a tumescent revolver. Rangers fire was quick, constant, and accurate. Aberdeen, Scotland's second best team fired blanks. Rob had no stimulation for Big Dick, his final contribution was, "Defoe makes it five, Aberdeen are looking for an offside". Being raised to absolutely hate Rangers appears to lead to erectile dysfunction, because Big Dick gave the result a few times but had no energy to discuss the result with an expectant Billy Dodds. Further, unlike the Scottish Cup quarter-final replay in late March, Big Dick did NOT call Derek McInnes for post match comments. A flacid Big Dick was left with the lame mantra, "Aberdeen were missing eight players through either injury or sickness". Still, the number of Dandies in the PQ Gang Hut, you can form a self help group. Indulge in several sessions of cross-hand boogie, it will get the blood flowing again. If more is needed, remember Chris McLaughlin is well regarded as, 'Head Bhoy'.

Middleton has since been quoted in the press about having to learn the other side of the game and how he feels he has a better understanding of how he can benefit the team. All good stuff - and as said I'd prefer he was doing this learning in an a competitve environment where any potential mistakes don't cost us

Fantastic content being provided for a fiver a month. Every bear should be subscribing to this instead of buying a paper or paying for content elsewhere. Watched a few of these behind the scenes videos this season and they are a superb insight to the before and after of the game with the main highlights thrown in as well.

So it definitely wont be this season. Don't see them letting Tavernier go in January with a title on the line at any price. He could just as easily go for the same price 6 months later.

Probably another costly kicking for us

I didnt realise the Hibs game is on the Friday before Christmas, I thought it was midweek. That is absolutely disgraceful. What is usually party night for workplaces all over the country and they schedule this game for a Friday night, which leaves a completely blank weekend. Disgusting.

If he's going to bring in Shankland, why not Gilmour? The Russia game is a write-off anyway, so what is to be lost?

I should have got a clean sweep, I only went with Villa after changing my mind. I did have a flutter on with some of the sides but Blackburn got beat by Luton at home ruining the accumulator.

You were in sparkling form this week now Please tell me you had a few Bob on your picks .

Too bad if you only watch the SPFL highlights that show the incident from the wrong side. As opposed to the game, where you clearly saw the trip ... which caused the defender's reaction! Scroll down, 15 mins highlights from Russian Rangers ... incident around the 3 min mark http://rangersfc.org/index.php?dn=news&to=art&id=4032

First of all I am not burying my head in the sand, 2nd you can post whatever you want, but I am entitled to disagree with it, if you were being fair that particular incident none of the Hibs players knew what was going on! they didn't even realise it was a free kick, hence the controversy surrounding the goal, also Hibs had 4 defenders in the box when the cross came in from a wide position and none of the Hibs defenders made a challenge. That is my take on their equaliser. Trial by BBC pick one negative thing a Rangers player does and highlights it, I disagree with that just like I disagree with your match summary in this case.

That's you doing an impression of Michael Stewart there Pete .

Good read that. And what most folk have known for a long time, one side spinning the life out of one story and keeping the lid firmly shut on the other. "All SFA member clubs (and this includes Rangers) should be ashamed of themselves." I cant help but agree with this line. Rangers have a duty to protect itself, write its own history and set the record straight on many subjects. We lost 4 years (minimum) no amount of dignified silence will buy that back.

Compo, Scott, I'll do a weekly tally between us. Just a bit of fun and not going to back date it from previous weeks. (of course if anyone else joins in I'll tally that up also) 3 points for a correct result. 1 bonus point for a correct score. This weekend prior to the game tonight. Compo 20 Scott 15 Gribz 28 Didnt start this just because I had a good score Updated after monday night match.