26th of foot

Seriously, one must feel for Australia. Everything that flies, crawls, slithers, swims, .......etc will bite you, sting you, kill you. Salt Water Crocs, Fresh Water Crocs, Taipans, King Browns, Funnel Web Spiders, Box Jellyfish, Sea Wasps, Sea Crates, Sea Snakes, ....................etc are joined by the most toxic predator on the face of this good earth - the Yahoo.

Colin Hendry is a big Bluenose from a big Bluenose family. He realised a dream in his one season at the club, winning a treble and NEVER letting the club or the support down. He was treated appallingly by wee Dick. I believe Colin and Denise have four children. I hope they find support from the greater Rangers family.

When Fergie moved to Dunfermline, there was a notorious 0-0 draw at East End Park against Spiers green'n'grey heroes. Fergie was routinely abused in a sectarian manner. MON was indignant after the game, saying Fergie was old and big enough to take all sorts of abuse. Now, the full attention of any Hack should have been on MON's refusal to deal with the specifics of the sectarian nature of the abuse. Spiers lead the charge of mitigation, his Herald report included the line, "Ian Ferguson has all the charm of a child molestor". At that point Spiers lost any right to stand on the moral high ground and pontificate on sectarianism in Scottish football. He was at the game, he witnessed it, he chose to stay in MON's good books and run interference. At the end of that season, ra Sellik rewarded all on-message journos with a slap up bash at One Devonshire Gardens. All the usual suspects were in attendance, Glenn Gibbons, McCara, Kevin McKenna, Keevins, Cooney, Delahunt, ...............etc Spiers was invited too and attended. Spiers deserves every ridicule aimed at him, he has appeared twice on TV, on Scotsport and on Tam Cowan's Offside. On both occasions he regaled the audience with a medley of Elton John melodies. Spiers is a graduate of Divinity, his old man is/was a Baptist Minister; he knows the devil is in the detail. Thus, "Ian Ferguson has all the charm of a child molestor", what's his motivation for such a statement?

We took the Strathclyde Uni Union mini bus to that game, 22 of us in a sixteen seater. We were uber confident, Stewart Kennedy in goals, Alfie Conn in flowing locks strutting the midfield, and Derek Parlane up front. Conn had a decent game and Parlane was unlucky with a shot that hit the post. As for Kennedy? I continue to see him wrapped around the post, the ball behind him in the net. We were 3 down in no time, a Bruce Rioch penalty brought us some hope, onlt to concede another two. It was a 5-1 humping. Like every other Scot, we had all retired to the Wembley bars(behind the stands), downing warm bitter from plastic tumblers. The mini bus returned with only 18 on it, everyone of us had reviewed our appreciation of Stewart Kennedy. His performance that day, totally destroyed his confidence, he did not look like an international keeper after the Kev'n'Trev show.

You should also include Colin Stein. I saw Colin play 45 minutes in goal for Rangers at Ibrox in a Glasgow Cup tie. He managed a clean sheet, in a 3-0 victory.

Before Woods, it was a toss up between McCloy and Nicky Walker. I don't think the Bears ever really appreciated the Big Gas Meter? He arrived at the club from Motherwell, in a deal that saw Brian Heron and Bobby Watson going to Fir Park. The goalkeeping situation at Rangers prior to McCloy's arrival was transient. Norrie Martin, Eric Sorensen, and Gerry Neef had competed for the number one jersey for three years, all failed to establish themselves long term. Big Peter had a poorish start, the team suffered a few unexpected away defeats and he was blamed. A low struck shot from distance at East End Park had evaded him and immediately it was a case of, 'he's too big, cannae get doon tae low shots'. His form improved and the team's too, 1971,72, and '73 saw three trophies arrive. During his 16 years as a Keeper at the club(he spent another few years as a youth coach), he was challenged by Stewart Kennedy, Jim Stewart, and Nicky Walker. Both Kennedy and Stewart were international Keepers, but Big Peter always survived. He made 533 appearances, 230 shut-outs.

Remember, Aberdeen are second in Mark McGhee's poll of clubs to manage.

Oh Dear. I fear AmDram Queen and objective host of BBC Scotland's Sportsound, Reinhart Gordon will be fulminating(in the most objective way, you understand) about Rangers("I was raised to absolutely hate Rangers") attempts to kidnap and sell young Aberdonian teenagers into Slavery. All together now, 'oh the nothern lights of old Aberdeen, mean sweet fuck all to me, oh ....................................

Has anyone stopped to consider Radio Snyde's Bitter martin's feelings in all of this? These last couple of years, McGhee has been his neighbour in a small up market estate in Lanarkshire. Bitter utilises this often, McGhee is Snyde's main man for Snyde SuperscoreboardXtra Roadshows. McGhee's thoughts are sought and given on a wide range of footballing issues, Ferguson and McGregor, Kyle Lafferty's simulatiion, Rangers run-in at the end of last season, .........etc. You get the picture, Bitter has an on message rent a quote living next door. Now, Mark has buggered off to Furry Boots City(Furry boots you fae then) and left Bitter inconsolable in the process. Who is going to talk to Bitter in the wee small hours about his favourite/only subject, 'ra Sellik'? I have been in France for nearly 3 weeks, has Motherwell appointed a new Manager?

Who will be the first Yahoo Journo to mention the tragic circumstances of Mowbray's previous time at ra Piggery? I suspect Nuremberg Hugh will invest heavily in this, immediately in lieu of the first serious set back of Mowbray's reign. Of course, it will be presented as a positive test of his character. Obviously, I would not wish Mowbray's past on anyone, but over 40-odd years of Scottish football watching leads me to wonder why such events are inevitably presented as only happening/or happening in isolation at ra Sellik.

Reference the Yahoos opener at the Dung Heap, will McGhee be managing events for his number one or number two choice? We should be told.

There's a real symmetry to Nakamura's proposed move to Espanyol, from Glasgow's diddy team to Barcelona's diddy team. He has that Feng Shui thing nailed. If Barca fans can be arsed, they might raise a chant of, "Nakamura se comio a mi perro".

Why does nobody do the bike thing from Lands End to John O Groats? John O Groats to Lands End is cheating, it's downhill ALL the way. Best of British, good cause, small donation made.

Jim Devine MP is an early day motion specialist, obviously his (communion) wafers are wholemeal. The only other cone-tract that Jim has with ice cream, is the Cappouchi-Man's vans regularly reversing over him. Thus, ensuring maintenance of Jim's careful presentation of a well blootered burst baw visog.

All ice cream vans' tunes should be standardised, it's the type of thing we pay our MSPs to do on our behalf. Michael McMahon MSP : I propose Greensleeves. Frank McAveety MSP : I second Greensleeves. Paul Martin MSP : I disagree, everybody knows, well ma Da told me and he's the Speaker at Westminster, that arch enemy of the catholic church, Henry xiii wrote that melody. Greensleeves in Latin is an anothingmy for F-T-P and get it right intae they f-e-n-i-a-n bastards. Even although most ice cream drivers are Tallies, they're awe in that P2 ludge, ma Da's seen them hinging fae Westminster bridge. Michael McMahon MSP : I propose the Fields of Athenrye. Frank McAveety MSP : I'll hae a double nougat wae that. Paul Martin MSP : Ma Da likes an oyster and raspberry when he's rebelling against the famine and ra crown.

We won the title at Tannadice in 75/76 season. Big DJ ran in the only goal of the game in 20 odd seconds.

Frankie, I have to disagree with you on the nature of the Spiers/Murray relationship. I watched last March as Spiers and Murray strolled the avenues of Lisbon together, matching cream chinos, and deck shoes. Graham sported a salmon pink pinstripe shirt, Ewen was replete in a maroon pinstripe. Sleeves rolled up, and top two buttons undone in the dappled spring sunshine. An hour later, the thunder storm hit and the two of them were skipping, skidding, and giggling together under the deluge and the pines. Graham was windswept and trying extremely hard to be interesting. Ewen had a look of knowing inevitibility. Ewen Murray is the Bhoy in Corduroy's catamite.

I do not believe that presentation is Green Brigade's new banner, the spelling is correct, including their own perception of 'Celtc'.

I have a favourite recollection of Paul McGrillen. It's over a decade past at Bathgate Juniors park, it's a mid afternoon reserve fixture and John Brown has just taken over as reserve coach and has included himself in the team. Falkirk have included arch Rangers hater, Paul McGrillen up front, he has been out for several weeks injured and this is his first step back to fitness. The first minute and Falkirk have a free kick on the half way line, they roll it into McGrillen's feet, Bomber comes straight through, takes ball and both McGrillen's legs. A stick on yellow card for the Rangers centre half; however, McGrillen jumps up and throws a punch at Bomber. A smiling John evades the haymaker and waves goodbye to Paul. The ref flashes a red, and we all applaud McGrillen off the pitch for having the audacity to attempt a punch on Bomber. Five minutes before half time, McGrillen left Bathgate Juniors park in a taxi, to a chorus of, "McGrillen's a shite bag".

The first real sign that an individual/consortium is/are serious, is when he/she/they put up the several hundred thousand big ones to conduct due diligence.

Carlos Cueller's real love was his pet ten foot python. Would it be considered cruelty to said snake, if we vacuum packed Plastic McGeady and sent him down to Birmingham? Ah mean, snakes have got to eat, right?

Last evening on Snyde, Nuremberg Hugh brought on, 'Paul McGrillen'. Another in the exact same mold as Charnley, Coyle, Grady, ........ etc. I suspect Coyle's tapping-up to continue whilst he is on his family holiday.

I suggest someone calls Snyde tonight and mentions the precedent of Burns and Stark, the two nights of Owney has had talks with Peter Lawwell, the official statements on the Burnley website contradicting those 'talks', and ask, 'has Coyle been tapped-up by Sellik'? Meltdown ................................ Fulmination ........................................ are you accusing Radio Snyde of mendacity? or, Paul Cooney's old favourite ................................ eh, that topic is subject to sub judice, we cannot talk about it ie it's hugely embarrassing to our beloved Sellik and you can fcuk righ off. Please, someone go for it.

Between 2002 and 2006, Coyle was a regular participant on Radio Snyde's SuperscoreboardXtra. Keevins would regularly invite him along with Joe(the Dip)Miller, Chic Charnley, James Grady, .....etc. I am sure you see the pattern? Coyle joined in the usual Rangers hating and bating, Snyde will have it in their archives, double secured and sent to Room 101, no doubt. Coyle hail hails from Clydebank, same as Nuremberg, and wee Hugh has gone into bat on his behalf before. When both Coyle and Yogi Hughes were appointed joint managers of Falkirk, Hugh adopted the mantra, 'Owen Coyle is the brain of the duo'. Coyle made the most of his SuperscoreboardXtra appearances by continually stating, "anyone who knows both John and Myself, will know who is in charge". Hughes said nothing, he got on with the job and that showed within 18 months when Coyle was released(Hugh said Owney wantyed to continue to play). Hughes remained as sole Falkirk manager, he leads said team on to the Hampden pitch this Saturday in the Scottish Cup final. Can you imagine the feeling inside Radio Snyde, one of their own wee group of green'n'grey ultras succeeeding to the managers office at ra Stydome?

Remember when Walter Smith returned to Rangers? Allegations of tapping-up were widespread in both print and broadcast media. Demands that Rangers be brought to book were long and hard. Except, there was no evidence to support these claims. It did not stop the usual suspects spewing their usual bile. The same usual suspects are telling us this evening that Owen Coyle will be the new Sellik boss by the end of the week. Lot's of reports of talks taking place between Peter Lawwell and Coyle. The on-message BBC Scotland Ceefax service told us that Lawwell met Coyle yesterday afternoon. Currently, that has changed to a direct quote from Coyle, "it is people putting two and two together and making five. I am going on holiday this weekend and I can assure you, I will be doing so as Burnley manager". Over on STV's Teletext, a statement from Burnley's website reads, "Burnley have not received any official approach from Celtic for Owen Coyle's services". Radio Snyde have spent two evenings talking about Coyle's impending arrival. Nuremberg is a long term family friend and he is salivating at the thought of Coyles enthronement. Further, Keevins continually reminds the listenership(and beyond) the Owen leaves on a family holiday this coming weekend. Andy Walker told us he received a couple of text messages from 'Owney' yesterday. Has wee Owen been tapped-up by the highly principled Sellik? There is no doubt he has been, and BBC Scotland's Ceefax backtracking on reporting his meeting with Lawwell is a clear attempt to ensure their beloved Sellik avoid the accusation. I expect Radio Snyde to fall into on-message line tomorrow. You see, the real work will be done while Coyle is on the family holiday. There is a precedent. Tommy Burns was manager of Killie for five years, had steered them from Division 2 to the Premier, and they had just survived in the top league. Elmer Fudd(aka Fergus McCann) had just fired Luigi Macari and was on the look out for a new manager. He asked Gerry McNee and Keevins for recommendations, they both pointed in the direction of Burns. Tommy was on a family holiday in the Canary Isles. No problemo for the Bunnet, he contacted both Burns and Billy Stark and convinced both to interupt their respective holidays, fly into Glasgow Airport, meet in the Caffeteria, and agree to be ra Sellik's numbers one and two. Both flew back to their holiday destinations a couple of hours later. Killie contacted the SFA, Sellik had NOT sought permission to talk to their employees. In effect, both Burns and Stark had been tapped-up. A few months later, the appropriate SFA Committee found ra Sellik guilty as charged and fined them �£100,000 in the case of Burns, �£50,000 in the case of Stark. I suspect wee owney will be subject to a similar scenario. See ra Sellik and principles, see oil and water.