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John Nelms forks the Dens Park pitch with his tongue. John Nelms is a former US Navy submariner, he spent several years based at the Holy Loch. Continually diving too deep, enduring weeks of breathing each others' farts and, when they open the hatch you find yourself in a midge infested hell hole; it all has an effect. This Bubblehead's particular bubble is helium, have you heard him speak? John keeps his mouth open because he is attempting to equalise head pressure, a fortunate trait that Peter finds most convenient. John is happy to be compliant. According to John he fell in love with ra Sellik whilst moored in Argyll and when he returned to Scotland, fronting Texan millionaire, Tim Keyes investment he was anxious to follow his heart. Dundee were the club he utilised to beat his Yahoo desire. He proposed a Dundee - Sellik league fixture should be played Stateside on St Patrick's day, preferably in Boston. He voted twice by e-mail to secure Sellik's nine-in-a-row and muddied the waters by claiming spam folder happenstance that annoyed Partick Thistle, ICT, Stranraer and, Rangers. He created a scheme allowing Gordon Strachan to have dual roles at both Dundee and ra Sellik. John thinks both Neil Doncaster and Murdoch MacLennan are stand up guys and we can all look forward to the SPL investigation that will blame Sean Batty for getting the weather forecast wrong and fining Rangers because they turned up. Of course, Neil and Murdoch will take the line(s) thrown by Gang Hutter, Kheredine Idessane as the basis for the investigation. John Nelms grasped at his fellow Bhoy's buoys : You and your groundstaff have been here since five this morning forking the pitch? Another thirty minutes and this pitch would be playable? The last fixture was delayed for thirty minutes because Rangers arrived late(Kheredine fail failed to mention the crash on the Tay Bridge). The last fixture saw a further twenty minute delay because of pyro' being ignited within the Rangers support(banged to rights on this one). Kheredine did not confront John Nelms with information garnered from his interview with Philippe Clement : Rangers only found out there was a problem after 09.30 hrs because the club kitman had arrived at Dens to see Nelms and groundstaff forking the pitch. He was told they had called a local Ref' to undertake a 10.15hrs inspection. The game was the only senior professional match in the UK postponed over the weekend. Dens Park has hosted 16 league fixtures this season and four of them suffered postponement due to a waterlogged pitch. I will save the SPL the time and expense. Neil and Murdoch will say exactly what Peter tells them to say, just like John Nelms.

Agree but hope that the club push for April 10th

I think Rousseau should blue card himself for mentioning Lammers.

Always had faith Lammers would come good ...... said no Rangers fan ever! Hopefully the fact he is doing well there means Utrecht sign him

Nat Lofthouse, maybe the toughest of them all, waiting at the pithead to board the Bolton Wanderers ‘bus for an away game.

When we had proper half backs

Technically one of the best amateurs of all time Dick McTaggart

Get your money on April 3rd..

If you look, I mentioned 'Lam Sammers'...

All joking aside, it's in our interest for Lammers to continue to do well whilst out on loan. It's the only way we'll be able to move him on in the summer.

I bet anyone could name dozens of Rangers players who were worse than Sam Lammers. You only need to think back to the dark days of League 2, our wilderness years in the Championship and the barron years of the early to mid 80's. I'll start, I'm sure we'll get there very quickly Ian Black Billy King Michael O'Halloran Francis Jeffers James Beatie Andy Kennedy Bobby Williamson Carlos Pena Salim Kerkar Sebo Nuno Capucho The Newcastle Five Every player Le Guen signed with the exception of Sasa Papac Feel free to add, there plenty more Late edit and contender for the award, I give you Mr Kevin Kyle.

I’ve seen some awful duds over many years supporting Rangers but Lam Sammers was up there with the worst. What he does elsewhere, well who cares.

Correct. He also played against Wolves for Blackburn Rovers in the 1960 FA Cup final. Rovers lost to the Wanderers 0-3.

Derek Dougan - Wolves and Northern Ireland. Sure he played in 1958 World Cup and helped Wolves to 1972 UEFA Cup Final

John Charles in his Juventus days

Another battling English centre forward Jackie Milburn.

Stan Mortensen. Score three to win the FA Cup and no one remembers you.

Peter will tell Neil and Murdoch which date best suits(Shellik) for the Dundee v Rangers game to be rescheduled

Booooooooooooooo!

I'd disagree with some of them. Black (despite being an asshole, he had a lot of good games for us), King arguably, Jeffers, Kennedy, Williamson, Sebo and some of Le Guen's signings were better than Lammers. However I'd agree with the principle of your point.

Not arguing that point, but he is no where near the worst player to play for us.

Lammers was shite for us, that's all there is to it.

Celtc fans are already claiming this has been done, deliberately, to assist Rangers. Any Bears claiming it's some kind of conspiracy are plumbing those same depths.

At one point during the game Diamonde was the only Rangers player in the midfield surrounded by 2 banks of 4 Benfica players ahead and behind him and he looked, quite rightly, terrified and of course lost the ball. He was isolated as the only man standing on a number of occasions last night and I certainly wouldn't blame him for struggling at times.

I would have given the award to Neil Warnock. Thirty-three days of pure joy, facilitating the journey for the Dandies to arrive in the Championship. Neil should be able to sit down, feet up in the Dunoon Rangers supporters club with the award sitting proudly on the bar.

He was in between the two men from the start, that was the problem. He was second to the ball because of the indecision over whether to go for the ball or accept the 2 on 1. A ridiculous position for him to be left in. If he had stuck with his man, the other Benfica player would have likely gone himself and it would still have been a 2 on 1. If we are apportioning blame for this goal, I’d blame the manager first, then Dessers, then Diomande. Yilmaz was arguably slow spotting the danger too.